10 Things Guys Need To Know About “GODZILLA” [MOVIE REVIEW]

By Edit Posted in Entertainment, Movies

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Godzilla has the most misleading ad campaign for a summer blockbuster since Iron Man 3–which is okay with us, because we like surprises in our monster movies. The biggest surprise with Godzilla is that an American movie studio has managed to make a really epic Godzilla movie. The structure is traditional enough, with a big love story running throughout the action. There’s also a long reveal on the titular monster, but nothing too irritating.

Which is exactly the kind of thing that guys need to know before risking a date night on a movie that could’ve easily turned out to be a literal big nothing. There aren’t any real spoilers here–but you’re about to get a few quick notes on what to expect from Godzilla, and a few things not to expect, too. As (mostly) told via GIFs, because writing is hard…

1) We know that the trailers have made a big deal out of Bryan Cranston being a big part of the film, but don’t expect too much from the guy. It’s not really his story. In fact, Bryan Cranston isn’t in any kind of Breaking Badass mode. He spends most of the movie acting more like this guy…

2) And while it’s been given away in the trailers, it’s still really great that we’re getting more monsters than Godzilla in Godzilla. The new creatures are called MUTOs, and they look a lot like this guy. We’re going to consider that to be some kind of tribute…

3) Serious Godzilla fans are going to be particularly happy that we’re back in the good-guy Godzilla mode. That means that Godzilla is the King of the Monsters because he likes to kick the crap out of other monsters who mess with humans. We really admire the studio for not pushing that angle too much–but maybe the executives were worried it would get potential moviegoers expecting something like this…

4) The only weird thing about Godzilla is that it seems to take place in a world where everybody has seen Godzilla films, and everyone’s really comfortable with the idea of bringing out the giant lizard to go up against the bad monsters, because that couldn’t possibly go wrong. We’re thinking the producers figure that the audience has already gone along with The Hulk automatically becoming a good guy in The Avengers. Everyone’s okay with assuming that Godzilla will act mostly like this…

…instead of like this…

5) The only problem there is that Godzilla basically has the same plot as 2009′s Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. The special effects are better in Godzilla, though…

6) We’d also like to show some sympathy for the MUTOs in the movie. They don’t seem like such a bad species. They eat atomic waste, and that could be downright useful. Also, Godzilla basically spends the film as a real cockblocker, because it seems to us that all the MUTOs want to do is this (and in Vegas, too, so we can totally relate)…

7) One warning for monster fans, though: There are so many happy surprises in Godzilla that we got really excited for a moment thinking that we were about to see Rodan join in the action. That doesn’t happen–which won’t bother you if you don’t know about Rodan, but if you do, then you’re going to miss this kind of action…

8) Anyway, we’re not complaining about how much monster action we’re getting in the movie, because director Gareth Edwards became a real name with his microbudget 2010 indie Monsters, where this was pretty much all we saw of the titular creatures. Well, we’re assuming there was more than one…

9) You’re still going to have to wait a while to get a real glimpse of Godzilla in his own movie this time–but that’s okay, because Gareth Edwards is really good at pacing things along. You’re not going to get bored, either. This kind of thing is already happening at the start of the movie..

10) And the best thing about Godzilla is that it doesn’t get all preachy with some kind of environmental message. It’s just a solid movie about giant monsters. Actually, our only concern is about the new Godzilla–who, thankfully, doesn’t get some kind of screwy new design like in that 1998 Godzilla with Matthew Broderick. You’re getting the genuine Godzilla here, much like the original 1954 design that looked like this…

…but we still can’t help but notice that the new Godzilla looks a little more…um, well-fed. Maybe that’s the big social commentary, since Americans are heavier than the rest of the world, and the new Godzilla is eating too much junk food and probably even stopped by a Las Vegas buffet before going after those MUTOs. We can live with that kind of social commentary. So go check out Godzilla–and don’t call him “Gojira,” because that’s just nerdy…

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