Only way to watch this is with audio.
Maybe it’s the fact that I’m still drained from attending Elon’s Festivus, but I’m actually about to take the side of one of those annoying, hate-speech conservative preachers who come onto a school campus and preach about how to live a boring life. But here we are.
We set the scene at ASU, where strangely enough there are zero chicks in bikinis. Instead, we have a protestor carrying a sign reading “Warning! MASTURBATORS, THIEVES, LIARS, DRUNKARDS, FORNICATORS, HOMOSEXUALS JUDGEMENT DAY…” who’s assaulted by something. I would be more descriptive with my pronouns but the fact of the matter is that I’m not actually convinced the entity in question is even human–their shrill cries and shrieks sound awfully scary.
Here’s a blow-by-blow of the action with the results.
• The “student” tries unsuccessfully to take the preachers’ sign: Preacher 1 – Screamer 0
• Student attacked by some guy named Mark: Mark 1 – Screamer 0
• Student screams bloody murder: Mark 2 – Screamer 0
• Mark tosses student again: Mark 3 – Screamer 0
• Student screams again: Screamer 0
• Mark gives a serious finger point and tells screamer to “Take a hike!” Mark 4 – Screamer 0
• Screamer screams the most pathetic sound I’ve ever heard in my entire life: Nobody 1 – Everybody 0
• Preacher tries to hand student glasses: Preacher 2 – Student 0
• Student hits preacher’s arm: Preacher 2 – Student 1
• Preacher tosses glasses onto ground: Preacher 3 – Student 1
• Student gives preacher opportunity to start preaching. Preacher 4 – Student 1
• Preacher yells “Mark shut up.” Preacher 1 – Mark 0
Long story short, the preacher here wins by unanimous decision. The man doesn’t even have to lift a finger and Mark just tosses him on the ground. Seriously, this is why you don’t assault people like the Westboro Baptist Church–you just add fuel to the fire.