Police in River Forest, Illinois arrested Tim Margis, the former safety director for Concordia University, for (hold on to your lunches, folks) masturbating in a co-worker’s shoes. An unidentified woman told police that she spotted Margis leaving her office around 9:30 p.m. on Feb. 10th. As he walked out, she noticed that he was “buttoning up his pants and fastening his belt.” Well, clearly he was just doing a safety check on his pants, but what about her office?
She confronted Margis and asked him what he was doing in there. He claimed he was just checking it out since the door was open after hours. He left but when she checked her shoes, she noticed something inside of it that didn’t belong there and I’d rather not say what because I’m eating a late lunch right now. If you’re not sure, call your parents and ask them what happens when a man and a woman’s shoes love each other very much.
Police interviewed Margis a couple of days later at his home where he broke down and admitted to everything. They charged him with misdemeanor charges of public indecency and disorderly conduct. The university also suspended him and banned him from campus. Police officials didn’t release a reason for his behavior since he has no relationship with the woman outside of the office. We’d prefer not to try and figure out the reasons why he did what he did because someone brought buffalo wings to the office with blue cheese dipping sauce and we’d like to actually enjoy them.