Kate Upton went to see the Orlando Magic play in Florida against the Oklahoma City Thunder, and we don’t mind that she went to the game with some guy named Justin Verlander instead of us. That’s cool. We were busy, anyway. But then Justin made the mistake of leaving Kate unattended for about five seconds, and some freak made out of felt–most likely the Orlando Magic mascot Stuff–swept in and presented Kate with a sparkling ring and asked for the model’s hand in marriage.
Well, that sucks.
We weren’t worried about that Verlander guy, but how are we supposed to compete with some flashy guy who has antenna with stars, and gets to hang out with all the guys on the Orlando Magic team? We know that it’s not like Kate’s running off with the mascot for the Miami Heat, but Orlando has Disneyland and Gator Land and–well, we’re just saying that a gal like Kate Upton probably wouldn’t mind living there. Especially because Stuff can probably afford a mansion there, as opposed to our refrigerator box in Manhattan. Look at the engagement ring that Kate showed off after the game….
That looks really expensive, right? We’d say that it costs about eleventy-million dollars. We’re not experts, but we sometimes take our refrigerator box over to the diamond district so we can get the heat from the grates and try to catch any diamonds that might have fallen down there during the day.
Anyway, screw that Stuff
guy dragon Muppet whatever the hell that thing’s supposed to be. He may have Kate’s heart, but we have plenty of Kate’s sexiest GIFs–and check out her 20 Hottest Topless Photos below. That’s no small comfort…