Alina Kabaeva came out to light the torch at the Openin Ceremony of the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi–partly because she’s a former Olympics gymnast for Russia, and also because she’s a State Duma deputy as part of the United Russia Party, and, most of all, because she’s the girlfriend of Vladimir Putin. Nobody’s going to argue with the President of Russia when he says, “Hey, why don’t we let my girlfriend carry the Olympian torch?”
We’re hoping that Alina Kabaeva is still a contortionist, too, because we’re all for anything that keeps Vladimir Putin in a good mood. That guy is scary. We don’t even want to think about what happened to any poor schmuck in charge of something that went wrong during that opening ceremony. But you know what went right? Vladimir Putin getting to watch Alina Kabaeva and thinking, “Yeah, the whole world’s watching my hot girlfriend.”
We can’t endorse everything about Alina Kabaeva. She obviously votes the Putin party line when it comes to her work in the government. That includes banning “homosexual propaganda”–so we’re not really sure what it means that Alina had a role in the same Olympics event that included a performance by the (fake) lesbian pop duo of t.A.T.u. Maybe it means that we should put aside politics during the Olympics and just enjoy staring at hot babes.
We won’t sell out of our own deep personal beliefs, of course. We just want to be all educational and make sure that everyone understands other cultures. And, in that spirit, check out the kind of Russian goddess that keeps the President of Russia feeling pretty good about his homeland. It’s a pretty hot gallery, and you can go back to chanting “USA!” later on…