8 Animals And Their Picks For The 2014 Super Bowl [VIDEOS]
If you’re looking for a leg up on Vegas and betting for the 2014 Super Bowl, look no further than the animal kingdom. At the end of the day, they have just as good a chance to pick the winner as you do. They’re strictly following their instincts with their picks which means that they don’t have outside influences impacting their decisions.
OK, whatever. At the end of the day you just want to see animals making their picks. So without further ado, here are the stars of the show.
Ozzy picks: Denver Broncos
Why you should believe Ozzy: Because he’s a bear. And bears are the baddest animals on the planet.
Why you shouldn’t believe Ozzy: Because the Bears didn’t make it to the Super Bowl and Ozzy’s upset that they aren’t representing the NFC.
Eli picks: Seattle Seahawks
Why you should believe Eli: Because orangutans are pretty darned close to humans.
Why you shouldn’t believe Eli: Because he actually hits the Broncos helmet pretty hard. Like, I’m not so sure he actually likes them.
Teddy Bear picks: Seattle Seahawks
Why you should believe Teddy Bear: Because the sounds this porcupine is making is awesome. You can’t make sounds like that if you’re not the most confident animal in the kingdom.
Why you shouldn’t believe Teddy Bear: Because I’m not so sure you can trust someone who eats corn in the deep winter.
Fred picks: Seattle Seahawks
Why you should believe Fred: Because he’s psychic. And he might kill you if you don’t agree with him.
Why you shouldn’t believe Fred: Because he picked the 49ers and I suspect he’s a bandwagon fan.
Hugh picks: Seattle Seahawks
Buffett picks: Denver Broncos
Why you should believe them: Because Buffett’s picked the winner the past six years.
Why you shouldn’t believe them: Because manatees can’t really see very well so that means “they’re really picking between one blurry object and another blurry object.”
South Carolina Elephants pick: Denver Broncos
Why you should believe them: Because elephants are one of the smartest animals in the animal kingdom.
Why you shouldn’t believe them: Because this elephant’s eyes look high as balls and we’re pretty sure that he just wants to support the legalization of recreational marijuana.
Komodo Dragons pick: Denver Broncos
Why you should believe them: Dragons. Motherf*cking dragons.
Why you shouldn’t believe them: Because they’re reptiles who don’t really have functioning brains.
Final tally: Seattle Seahawks 4 – Denver Broncos 4
It’s a tie!