DUKE ZTA SORORITY DOES KE$HA, IS CRINGETASTIC [VIDEO]

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Duke University’s Zeta Tau Alpha sorority made a recruitment video to the tune of the Ke$ha/Pitbull hit “Timber,” and everything about it is terrible—except that it leaked online. That fact is wonderful.

Living up (or down) to its source’s song title, ZTA’s take on “Timber” does indeed crash to the earth like an axe-felled tree–but instead of bearded Paul Bunyan-types doing the chopping, the lumberjacks here are a gaggle of fresh-faced beauties in yoga pants (to highlight some fine post-freshman-fifteen curves), ZTA logo tops (to remind them why they’re doing this particular thing and not some other thing), and backward baseball caps (to signal that these girls know how to par-tay!). What more could prospective female Greeks be looking for amongst their potential peers?

The video kicks off like most things sorority-related: with a hot babe busily text-messaging her life away. The flaxen hottie’s phone-dancing fingers seem to magically conjure a pick-up truck . Which is awfully convenient, since the gal is riding with a seven-strong sorority posse while a voiceover sings, “It’s going down/You’re going Zeta/You’ll wear the crown/In ZTA/We’ll make the best/Memories ever/We are the girls/You won’t forget.”

Snazzy rhyme scheme, sisters. After a round of hilariously limp-wristed snow volleyball, the least-blonde of the bunch bursts into a rap that concludes, “Zeta! Hanging out, it’s always chill!/Zeta! We say join and we know you will!”

Then there’s a balloon party with about twenty Zeta crown-wearers in a little lecture hall while a singer intones, “Paint it pink/Round and round/Breast cancer/It’s going down! It’s going down! It’s going down!”

And something is coming up, if you’re a balloon fetishist. Or maybe it’s just your lunch, if you’re the type of music fan who can be scared off by some soulful sorority sisters. In our case–well, we’ve never felt quite so conflicted…

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