We’re not shocked or disappointed to hear that former UFC light heavyweight champion Tito Ortiz was arrested for DUI after hitting a freeway median in Los Angeles around 4 am this past Monday morning. We’re certainly not surprised that he was reportedly on his way back from a party at the Playboy Mansion. We’re mostly just happy that Tito didn’t take on the cops after banging up his 2012 Porsche Panamera. He could’ve banged up a lot more than that before getting taken to jail.
We are surprised, however, that Tito didn’t take a cab home. Maybe his passengers were all guys–since, according to a former cab driver who recently fielded questions from the gang on Reddit, Tito is fond of having sex in the back of cabs. Not just with ex-wife Jenna Jameson, either. Here’s an excerpt from the cab driver’s MMA. Enjoy this look into Tito’s personal life, and then do the usual pondering why any celebrity with plenty of cash keeps risking DUIs…
I don’t really follow MMA fighting, but even I recognized Tito Ortiz when he got in my cab. Mostly because I knew he lived in Huntington Beach and he had a rep among the cabbies as being a really good tipper. He got in with a totally gorgeous blonde in a skimpy white dress and giant fake tits. They were going to a hotel in Hollywood. A cab ride from HB to Hollywood is an incredible fare, it’s about an hour and a half in traffic and meters over a hundred bucks. The money alone was enough to make me excited about the fare. Then before I even got on the freeway they started f**king.
…Tito Ortiz was nice and polite when he got in and told me the destination, but he didn’t ask if he could f**k. Either he knew he didn’t have to, or he just didn’t want to waste any more time talking.
They started making out right away, the fake-titted blonde’s dress came off in less than a mile, and then Tito started going to work as I drove north on Beach Blvd. Fake titty blondes aren’t even my type but this woman was beautiful and I imagine I would have busted in about 5 seconds if I had been the one in the backseat. But by the time we got on the 405 he was still going. Then the 605 and he was still going. Then we got on the 5 and he was STILL f**king. I’d never seen stamina like this before.
The 5, then the 101, then we got off on Sunset and they NEVER stopped. We started getting closer to the hotel and I thought they were going to f**k right up to the valet stand. About a block away and after 90 minutes straight of f**king, I finally told them we were almost there. He didn’t even finish, he just pulled out and they put their clothes back on. I pulled up front and he said “thanks” and handed me 300 bucks and got out…Tito Ortiz is awesome.