Lingerie made from pine trees. What could be more festive? Yes, it’s probably too late to order Shapewear Briefs with Black French Lace for Christmas, but we still want to celebrate the festive-minded folks at the fine French company known as Liv. These isn’t your ordinary sexy outfit. We’re talking about “ultra-soft and sexy organic shapewear panties…made from recycled white pine-tree pruning. Created in France and Tunisia by the French lingerie designer Sophie Young, they are as soft as silk with the feel of cashmere and the coolness of linen.”
Yeah, don’t just skip over the part where these panties are recycled from pine-tree pruning. That’s, like, literal. They take pine trees and turn them into lacy lingerie. And do you know why they prune White Pine Trees? Because of a fungal disease called Blister Rust. But we’re sure there’s no fungal diseases on this lingerie.
And your girlfriend doesn’t need to know about that, either. All she needs to know is that you bought her some environmentally-sound lacy things that she needs to wear right now to demonstrate how committed she is to your commitment to the environment. We can’t guarantee that her lingerie won’t smell like a car air freshener, though.
That doesn’t seem likely, though. The official color of the lingerie is Noir Blue, as opposed to Tingly Refreshing Evermint Green. That’s gotta be a good sign, right? Yeah. Anyway, we’re certainly excited over this revolutionary new recycling. It’s going to beat the heck out of the usual edible underwear that we give to gals. The technology on those things hasn’t improved since 1974.