Library Copy Of ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ Found To Have Herpes

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50 Shades of Herpes

Library books are sketchy. They’re unsanitary for one thing, they’re also kind of smelly, and not returning a library book can rack up some major fines…and STD’s.

After performing toxicology and bacteriology screenings for sh*ts and gigs on the ten most checked-out books in an Antwerp library, two Belgian professors discovered cocaine among the pages of all ten of the books. Enough of it to fail a drug test.

But before you drop everything and head to your nearest library, I should also mention that the screening also found something else entirely disgusting in one of the books: Fifty Shades Of Grey by E.L. James tested positive for herpes virus (and you were scared of getting a computer virus from downloading porn).

I don’t know about you but I haven’t checked out a library book in over five years, and even if I had, Fifty Shades of Grey would be the last book I would consider. But I’m also not very surprised by this finding. You know that people only read this book for one purpose and one purpose only. I remember those two summers ago when every female on the planet (including my own grandmother), would not shut up about it as if the novel performed some kind of extravagant miracle on every lonely and sexually-frustrated woman.

Personally, I never read it. First of all, it was way too long. Secondly, the things I heard about it made me nauseous. I always wondered what people got out of it, but apparently herpes is one thing.

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