“Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world’s first bionic man. Steve Austin will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster.”
Well, maybe not faster. This is a turtle we’re talking about. And faster is over-rated anyway. Bionics have gotten much cheaper since it was new technology in the 70s. It cost $7 million to retrofit Steve Austin and a little bit more to make a bionic woman. I believe there was a $7 million dog around the same time, but the Pentagon has redacted all documentation on it because they couldn’t justify the costs to Congress.
A veterinarian in Achern, Germany, was called on to treat a wounded turtle. The turtle had only three legs. But the mad German scientist didn’t call OmniCorp, corporation that will be turning tough Detroit cop Alex Murphy into RoboCop next year. The vet had his own insidious plan.
Yes, he rebuilt that turtle. He had the technology in a box he kept in the attic with his grammar school report cards. That vet had the technology to build the world’s first RoboTurtle. It was better than before. Better. Stronger. And it was much cheaper.
The technology was an ingenious use of Legos. The vet superglued a set of Lego Wheels to the turtle’s undercarriage. It cost about three bucks.
RoboTurtle is now protecting Bavarian forests. But some day, this turtle might have questions. Deep philosophical questions. Is this reptile or replicant? What is the future for tortoise technology? Have we finally gone too far?