The Miss Universe Pageant is coming up on Saturday night, and if you miss it, you’re…well, probably looking for a better universe anywhere. The gals lined up for Miss Universe 2013 have certainly convinced us that we’re living in the best of all possible universes. They’ve also convinced us that the COED offices need to invest in a globe. Did you know that there’s a place called Azerbaijan? Oh. Yeah, we knew that, too. (Much like we know that you’ll also want to check out the Miss Universe contestants of 2009, 2010, 2011, and 2012.)
We didn’t know that Azerbaijan produces gals like Aysel Manafova–who’ll you see among the beauties here. Of course, we’ve celebrated the ladies of exotic places like Croatia, Australia, Mexico, Sweden, and Canada. We are not ignorant of the world here. We’re just surprised by a few things with this line-up of Miss Universes. For one thing, they’re all a lot sexier than when they paraded around in those unfortunate ethnic outfits from a few days ago. Remember that fiasco? It had Miss USA in a boxy Optimus Prime outfit. We don’t even think Optimus Prime was born in America.
The pics here are a lot more promising. You have all the contestants dolled up in furry wraps that still reveal plenty of curves. Other things that you’ll learn: Miss Finland’s name is Lotta Hintsa, which makes her the most likely gal to end up as a character in a James Bond film. Miss Denmark is a brunette. (Well, that came as a shock to us.) Miss Sweden and Miss Switzerland seem identical. We’re not complaining about that.
There’s also a lady with the title of Miss Turks & Caicos, and another who’s Miss Trinidad & Tobago. Does that mean that Tobago checked out Miss Trinidad and just said, “Screw it, we can’t compete with that?” That’s going to seem feasible as you check out Catherine Miller–which isn’t a very exotic name for Miss Trinidad, but, again, we’re not complaining. Now check out these pics that won’t leave you complaining. They will, however, get you tuning in to Miss Universe this Saturday night, live on NBC at 9 PM EST…