Deadly Spiders Found in Bananas: What To Do When Bananas Bite Back

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A lady in England bit into a banana and thought it was covered in mold. She looked down and saw that the off-yellow color was actually a swarm of hatching baby spiders. If that’s not enough to make you give up banana splits for life, she found out these were the most deadly spiders on earth. They were venomous Brazilian Wandering spiders. She called the store and they said they’d give her more bananas. Free. All the spiders she wanted.

Consi Taylor bought the exotic Colombian “Fairtrade” bananas at her local Sainsbury’s grocery chain. The spiders began hatching. Her family was forced to abandon the house. They called fumigators who bombed the house and the clothes and everything else where spiders could nest.

After the media reported on the incident, Sainsbury’s offered to pay for the Taylors’ expenses. This got us to wondering…well, if it could happen in England, it could happen here. Probably not, but in the event you get a craving for exotic bananas and land in the kingdom of the spiders the first thing you should do is spit. Spit out whatever you have in your mouth before it bites you.

Also, don’t throw the bananas on the floor and run out of the house. You see, this gives the spiders the chance to hatch and get in the rug and in your clothes and hair. Your kids’ clothes. Under the bed. Behind the toilet, you saw Arachnaphobia, you know what I’m talking about.

You don’t want that. Put the bananas in a bag or something. Flush them. Don’t just throw them on the floor. If you do see any spiders on the floor. Step on them. You’re bigger than they are. If you think they are venomous walking spiders, put on shoes and then step on them.

Don’t forget to call an attorney and sue. If you live through it. Have your kids sue if you die.

In the meantime, watch this: The guy’s wearing gloves, so you know he knows what he’s doing…

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