The Killer Babes of MACHETE KILLS: Amber Heard, Sofia Vergara, Vanessa Hudgens, and More

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Killer Babes of Machete Kills

The big day is finally here, as Machete Kills opens to rave reviews from guys and much hatred from critics. That’s to be expected–just as we expect director Robert Rodriguez to once again come through with a lot of sex and violence in his continuing tribute to grindhouse action movies. It’s always fun to see a veteran character actor like Danny Trejo headlining a major studio release. It’s even more fun, of course, seeing what kind of sensational sexploitation is going to burst out of the big screen. Last time, Rodriguez lured in the talents of the lovely Lindsay Lohan. Here are the hottest names scorching up the sequel. Click through to those complete galleries, too, for plenty of pics that’ll leave you manhandled…

Amber Heard i

Amber Heard

We’re thinking that Johnny Depp isn’t too shaken up over how The Lone Ranger tanked at the box-office this summer. He doesn’t need an Oscar. He has Amber Heard–who shook up Depp’s happy family life much like she’s shaken up our pants. Amber is handling a complex role as the enigmatic Miss San Antonio, and the Machete Kills trailer already promises her participation in one hell of a catfight. October’s a busy month for Amber, too, since Machete Kills is coming out at the same time as her title role in the ambitious slasher film All The Boys Love Mandy Lane–which has been sitting on the shelf for seven years. Fortunately, the same can’t be said for Amber Heard (and check out her .gifs, too)…

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Michelle Rodriquez i

Michelle Rodriguez

It’s not easy to think of a tougher sex symbol than Michelle Rodriguez. She made a splashy indie debut as a battling babe in 2000’s Girlfight, and hasn’t really sought out anything in a change-of-pace role. Michelle’s been kicking ass in Resident Evil and Fast & Furious films, and has gone after aliens in Avatar and Battle: Los Angeles. Her character of Luz looks ready to take on Danny Trejo himself in the Machete movies. Good thing she’s a good guy gal in those. Michelle’s also been looking pretty kick-ass while managing all that mayhem–but here are some pics that’ll get you thinking that she’s just misunderstood and needs a good man in her life. Yeah…

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Sofia Vergara i

Sofia Vergara

There isn’t much mystery to Sofia Vergara’s role in Machete Kills. The trailers have made a big deal out of the sitcom star’s big-screen turn as a (literally) bullet-bra’ed babe who also sports a pistol between her legs. (That pistol will look familiar to anyone who’s seen Rodriguez’s vampire epic From Dusk Till Dawn, where Machete regular Tom Savini sports the same design.) Her character is named Desdemona, and we wouldn’t mind making Sofia’s dominatrix/assassin part of our own modern family. But here she is looking a little more domestic (although these .gifs get dirtier)…

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Alexa Vega i

Alexa Vega

Thanks to her love of Instagram, Alexa Vega did a great job of keeping her fans up to date on her work in Machete Kills. She’s also done a great job of showing off how the former Spy Kids kid is now all grown up. We’ve been enjoying Vega’s vamping ever since her work in the underseen Repo! The Genetic Opera, but we’re thinking that Machete Kills is going to be the movie that gets people in awe over Alexa. We’re just confused over how she’s in this movie, since she’s also in the Spy Kids movies, and those have Danny Trejo as Uncle Machete, but here Alexa is as a bad gal who…oh, never mind. We have pics to pursue…

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Vanessa Hudgens

Did you know that Vanessa Hudgens is in Machete Kills? It’s kind of a secret. We don’t know why Vanessa isn’t getting more attention, though. We’ve been ready to see more of Vanessa ever since her earlier turn this year in Spring Breakers. (Collect our Spring Breakers .gifs here.) We also really appreciated her in an earlier tough-gal role for Zack Snyder’s bizarre action movie Sucker Punch. It’s weird to think that Vanessa starred in the family fare of Journey 2: The Mysterious Island among those other roles. You won’t find any scenes from that one in this grown-up gallery…

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Jessica Alba i

Jessica Alba

She’s going unbilled, but it’s no secret that Jessica Alba is returning for Machete Kills–after starring in the first movie as brave ICE agent Sartana Rivera. (That stands for Immigration and Customs Enforcement.) Jessica kind of got naked in the first Machete, having shot a shower scene in bra and panties that were later digitally removed. That was in agreement with Alba’s wishes. The fakery gave her director some grindhouse sensuality, and allowed  Jessica to say that she’s never done a nude scene. In related news, here are some perfect pics that (mostly) show off Alba’s awesome ass–and there’s no CGI involved. Then check out how Alba’s ass has inspired other celebrities

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