Worst Burglar Ever Gets High On Mushrooms Then Rips Off His Own Penis

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shrooms

Now THIS is your brain on drugs.

A 41-year-old Ohio man was attempting to break into a Michigan middle school when he tripped the alarm and police arrived to a disturbing scene. The burglar was found outside of the school, near death in a pool of his own blood after ripping off his genitals with his bare hands. Police said the man “wasn’t saying much at all, a lot of yelling and screaming that wasn’t making sense.” But to be honest, with that officer’s statement, the man could’ve been reciting a Nobel Prize worthy speech on World Peace he prepared for the UN, but it would’ve still sounded like something that needed to be washed down with a cool glass of Schizophrenia. Nobody can be looked straight in the eye and be called sane after he rips his own dick off with his bare hands.

Police said he the mushrooms he recently ate may have been tainted and were most likely what attributed to his behavior. In other news, a growing number of people are calling for the mushrooms this man ingested to be given to every sex offender in America and Chris Brown. Why Chris Brown? Because he just deserves to suffer.

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