Man Who Tried To Have Sex With Hornet’s Nest Does What You’d Expect: Dies
According to a report in the Swedish newspaper Nyheterna Sverige, a man named as “Hasse” died after he attempted to have sex with a hornet’s nest. Forensic scientists are still trying to figure which of the 146 stings (56 on his genitals) was the killing blow–but considering that his entire body was swelled up like “a beached whale,” that could take some time.
So how do they know “Hasse” was actually trying to have sex with the nest? Because they discovered some of his pubic hair in the nest and some of his semen on dead wasps.
But wait, there’s more.
According to the same report, animal activists are furious at Hasse. They’ve even gone so far as to write poems in memorium of the dead wasps who gave their lives to protecting the queen from Hasse’s terrible member. Here’s an example of one left in a forum:
“A little black, a little yellow,
beaten in confusion. Hums no
more for not wearing wings.
Life no longer offered and the
Queen sees soldier crawling
on the ground in despair.
Death is a fact. Oh, where did
the summer road, buddy?
All our tours and adventures.
Floating in sweat, grains,
blood and tears. Do not leave
me, baby. A little black, a little yellow,
all innocent. Buzz, buzz, buzz,
knocking on heaven’s durr. “
I decided not to change the Google Translation of the word “durr” to “door” because it’s so much funnier that way.