Philadelphia Wants to Hold a Month Long Masturbation Marathon With Girls and (Unfortunately) Guys

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We’ve got a month, a week or a day dedicated to just about everything. May, however, may be one of the greatest and it’s not just because it happens to house my birthday (May 9th, and if you’re thinking of buying me a present, this should be on the top of your shopping list).

Believe it or not, May is also “Masturbation Month,” which was first dedicated by a sex toy shop in (where else?) San Francisco, California to “raise awareness and…highlight the importance of masturbation for nearly everyone.” That really isn’t necessary, of course, since I’m pretty sure everyone with a working set of junk are aware of it by now. Whether or not any “highlighting” is involved is between them, their god and their pants.

This designation led to the famous “Masturbate-a-Thon,” an annual San Francisco event in which participants do what comes naturally to them en masse to further their sexual cause. Now Philly wants some self-pleasuring action of its own. The “sex education collaborative” ScrewSmart and Pleasure Rush have formed a freaky twosome to raise money for its own “Masturbate-a-Thon” with a crowdfunding campaign. They need $3,000 in donations to organize the event unless the price of Purel and Kleenex goes through the roof between now and then.

Donors who give certain amounts will be rewarded for their generosity with certain prizes and recognitions with titles such as “Self Screwer,” “Master Wanker” and “Hell’abater.” I wonder if they will accept donations for them to not call them those names?

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