Strip club DJ is one of the most under appreciated jobs in the music business. Sure they can be annoying and interrupt the fantasy you’re having in your head while a complete stranger is grinding in your lap for your rent check. However, without them, strip clubs would just be a place where women take off their clothes for money.
Normally, that might not sound that bad but any strip club addict will tell you that the right song can enhance the already awesome experience. The DJs know the right track to pair with each performer. He can make her shake what the good Lord gave her in all the right places if she does it to the right tune.
This is the soundtrack to your future children not being able to afford college…
Warrant’s “Cherry Pie”
This rock ballad band may have produced one of the most generic heavy metal classics of all time that makes survivors of the 80s and 90s cringe when they hear it but not when it’s providing the soundtrack to a half naked dancer named Chiffon. Not only does it provide a perfect beat for strippers to grind and shimmy to, but its lyrics also celebrate the immense pleasure and pain that women can cause as they are doing both right in front of you.
Nelly’s “Hot in Herre”
Women love to dance whether it’s at a wedding reception on the big day or on a stripper pole in a drunken stupor the night before the big day. That’s why this hip-hop classic is played by DJs of all kinds, particularly those who tell strippers when it’s their turn to take the stage.
Motley Crue’s “Girls, Girls, Girls”
Rookie strippers have been picking this song to dance to for years. It’s the stripper equivalent of asking for chicken for dinner every night. That’s because it works as a stripper ballad that celebrates all those little, curving things that shallow guys use to judge and gauge women. It’s such a revered stripping song that Vince Neil capitalized off of it by naming his own strip club after it.
Not all of the great stripper songwriters are just guys who let their penises do the songwriting for them. This hip hop star and former Mrs. Nas made her footprint in popular music with this musical celebration of the, um, two main reasons guys go to strip clubs, sometimes four depending on the kind of surgery they’ve had done.
Lil’ Jon and The East Side Boys’ “Get Low”
This crunk classic also gets a lot of play in dance clubs and parties because it gets the single ladies on the dance floor faster than a fumbled bouquet of flowers. It’s perfect for any stripper who loves her job because it allows her to dance and express her total hatred for her father through artistic means.
The Commodores’ “Brick House”
Just like watching old movies, collecting cars and sleeping with your friend’s moms, there’s no better choice than an old classic. This Motown favorite has a funky beat that makes the MILF strippers think back to their younger days and forget how the ravages of time will force them to find more meaningful work as an amateur MILF porn star or a phone sex operator.
2 Live Crew’s “Me So Horny”
Part of the fun of being in a strip club are the fantasies that your male ignorance plants in your testosterone covered brain. That stripper isn’t giving you an extra long lap dance because she’s being paid to put up with you. She’s really into you and thinks you’re a good provider. This controversial rap ditty helps cement the fantasy by giving the talent a hot beat to shake her tail to and giving you a slimmer chance of hope that she feels the same way you and your pants do.
Nine Inch Nails’ “Closer”
This twisted bit of electronica may not sound like the usual peppy tune that makes women want to seduce drunk morons out of whatever money they have in their wallet, bank account or the floor of their car. However, it’s got a nice, slow rhythm, a booming baseline and (the best part) a six and a half minute playtime that’s perfect for “half-off lap dance night.”
Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar On Me”
Here’s another classic that can take some of the older fan dancers back to their tenderfoot times on the golden pole and also cause some of the younger “dancers” to shake in all the right places. It’s got a rhythmic beat that can give the most uncoordinated stripper the right moves and it can also identify the drunker ones because they’ll be singing along with it.
AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long”
Just about any whiskey soaked rock song about doing it until the break of dawn will serve a stripper well on stage but few of them do it as well as this heavy metal classic. Not only does it sound good when a half naked woman is writhing around to it, but it’s also the kind of music your mother didn’t want you to listen to and that makes it twice as hot. Try not to debate the reason for that when you’re in the club or you’ll end up paying more to your therapist than Saffron.