Four Loko is already a miracle beverage in and of itself. It not only allows you to get blind stinking drunk with a minimum of effort but it keeps you going at the same time to get the maximum allowable level of drunkenness before you lose consciousness. It’s like ingesting a motivational drunk coach.
Pretty soon, you’ll also be drinking a motivational drunk coach teacher (because we all know coaches aren’t technically teachers unless you’re looking to learn how to yell at high school kids to run laps). Four Loko plans to add some “alcohol facts” to each can.
The new can labels will appear on those with more than two servings. It will tell the drinker exactly how much is in a serving and the amount of alcohol in each can. Some will also be resealable. That might not sound like much but if you regularly finish off a can of Four Loko, chances are that’s the most reading you do in a day.