Valentine’s Day: whether you’re in a relationship or single, it sucks.
If you’re in a relationship, you have to “do stuff.” Which is annoying.
Yet, if you’re single, somehow it’s even worse. Society makes you feel bad for making a positive life choice and not letting some silly SO leech all the fun from your life.
Typically, when I get down, I use music to cheer me up. But even music can seem like no help at all on Valentine’s Day. Too many songs are about love. Sometimes it seems like all songs are about love.
But that’s not true. There are plenty of songs out their that have nothing to do with love. In fact, some of the most popular songs ever recorded are non-love songs.
‘Kung Fu Fighting’ by Carl Douglas (1974)
Carl Douglas’s massive disco hit “Kung Fu Fighting” isn’t about fighting over a girl; it’s just about fighting. That’s it. And at over 11 million singles sold, it’s one of only 35 songs ever to sell more than 10 million physical copies worldwide.
Non-Love Song Lyric: They were funky China men from funky Chinatown, they were chopping them up and they were chopping them down
‘Fight the Power’ by Public Enemy (1989)
One group you can always count on to never write a love song is Public Enemy, and in 1989, there were few anthems bigger than their anti-establishment song “Fight the Power” that was featured prominently in Spike Lee’s film Do the Right Thing. VH1 even considered the tune the best hip-hop song of all time.
Non-Love Song Lyric: Elvis was a hero to most, but he never meant sh*t to me you see, straight up racist that sucker was, simple and plain, motherf**k him and John Wayne
‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ by Nirvana (1991)
Who knows what the hell Kurt Cobain was talking about when he wrote the greatest rock anthem of the 1990s. But even if it was about love, there’s little way for the layman to know. As drummer Dave Grohl said about Kurt’s lyrical process, “Just seeing Kurt write the lyrics to a song five minutes before he first sings them, you just kind of find it a little bit hard to believe that the song has a lot to say about something. You need syllables to fill up this space or you need something that rhymes.”
Non-Love Song Lyric: I found it hard, it’s hard to find, oh well, whatever, nevermind
‘Boom Boom Pow’ by The Black Eyed Peas (2009)
If you want to make sure your songs have as little lyrical substance as possible, turn to The Black Eyed Peas. And hate on them as much as I want, they know how to write songs that sell. The confusing lyrical mess that is “Boom Boom Pow” has sold 8.5 million digital copies.
Non-Love Song Lyric: Boom boom boom, gotta get-get, boom boom boom, gotta get-get, boom boom boom, gotta get-get, boom boom boom, gotta get-get, boom boom boom, now, boom boom boom, now, boom boom pow, boom boom
‘We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions’ by Queen (1977)
When you’re in a stadium full of excited dudes, you don’t want to hear about love. Queen’s Freedie Mercury knew all about dudes, which is probably why he made this arena rock anthem purposefully a non-amorous affair. Maybe because of that, these two tunes have stood the test of time and are still played at sporting events today.
Non-Love Song Lyric: We will, we will, rock you, we will, we will, rock you.
‘Harlem Shake’ by Baauer (2012)
The most popular song on the Internet right now, “Harlem Shake”: it ain’t got nothing to do with love. Sh*t, it’s electronic music, it barely has lyrics. Take that love songs.
Non-Love Song Lyric: Ey, Ey, Ey, Ey, Ey, Ey
‘Walk Like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles (1986)
Billboard’s #1 song of 1987 wasn’t about love: it was about walking like an Egyptian. Topping the year-end Billboard charts without some schmaltzy love garbage lyrics is a tough task no matter how you walk.
Non-Love Song Lyric: If you want to find all the cops, they’re hanging out in the donut shop, they sing and dance (Oh-Way-Oh), they spin their clock and cruise on down the block
‘Pumped Up Kicks’ by Foster the People (2010)
Remember this song from like a few years ago? You know you loved it. Know why? Because it had a catchy beat. But know what it didn’t have? Any lyrics about love. It was all about shooting people! And it still got over 100 million plays on YouTube. More like “Foster the Non-Love Songs.”
Non-Love Song Lyric: All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, outrun my gun.
‘Stairway to Heaven’ by Led Zeppelin (1971)
Possibly the best rock epic of all time, “Stairway to Heaven,” know what it’s about? Neither does anyone else. But it’s not about love, that’s for sure. If it’s about anything, it’s about guitar solos or some sh*t.
Non-Love Song Lyric: In a tree by the brook, there’s a songbird who sings, sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven
‘White Christmas’ by Bing Crosby (1942)
What do you think the #1 selling song of all time is? According to the Guinness Book of World Records, it’s Bing Crosby’s version of “White Christmas,” which has amassed sales in excess of 50 million copies. And it’s totally just about snowing. Or maybe doing cocaine on Christmas. But it’s not about love. Take that love songs! You’re not #1!
Non-Love Song Lyric: I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know