In today’s celebrity news that I’d rather not know, Justin Bieber apparently spent the night with his ex-girlfriend Selena Gomez. On that note, it’s actually comforting to know that even someone as wealthy and famous as the Biebs can make the time-honored mistake of getting back with their exes.
Newsflash dude, you’ve got the entire world in your palm. The rest of us suckers only slinked back to our old flames because we couldn’t find someone else.
Just take a second to see the kind of tail you could pull while I contemplate suicide for ever trying to give you advice.
Like I said in an earlier post, Justin Bieber might have found the only night better than Valentine’s Day Eve to announce that he’s single–the night of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. And as far as the Angels go, it doesn’t get much better than Hungarian model Barbara Palvin.
Technically speaking, Camilla Belle is dating Tim Tebow. But what’s a glorified punt protector to the biggest pop sensation in the world, right? Camilla and the Biebs share an interest in Jesus and God, so at least there’s always something to talk about.
This one is a no-brainer. If you’re the biggest pop star in the world and you’re not trying to get into Kate Upton’s pants, I hate you. (Also, did you really think we weren’t going to include her on this list? I’m pulling the trigger on any/all excuses to post this photo of her.)
The scary part is that they’re actually pretty close in age.
Ashley just finished working on Spring Breakers with none other than Selena Gomez. If you’re looking to get back at a girl, hooking up with her co-star (who also happens to be on our 60 Best Natural Breasts of 2012) seems like a pretty good start.
This is absolutely, positively not the first step in my master plan to convince Ashley to break up with James Franco and marry me.
Another Spring Breakers co-star, so this falls under the same revenge deal. It would also make Justin the only guy to hook up with two of the hottest Disney stars in recent history.
My coworkers tell me that she’s also pretty promiscuous. Considering that I haven’t seen any leaked cell phone pictures that would support or debunk this, I cannot comment on the matter.
There are probably more than a few of you who haven’t heard of this girl before, so let me introduce you to Selena’s good friend Haley King. I’ll give you two good reasons why she’d be a good choice.
The only person more popular than Kanye West would have to be Justin Bieber. If you’re telling me that Kim wouldn’t dump Kanye for Justin in a heartbeat, you’re crazier than Kris Jenner. Kim’s gone on the record saying that she’d date the Canadian.
Tiffani Amber Thiessen
Justin might not be old enough to understand how fly Kelly really is, but they wore each other on t-shirts! C’mon that’s gotta mean something.
I’m sure that Justin’s feeling a little left out of the whole “Gangam Style” fad. The quickest way to get into it would be hooking up with HyunA, the K-Pop hottie from Psy’s music video (which has over 750 million views holy sh*t). And at the risk of coming off stereotypical, don’t all Korean girls love cute, small things? This is a match made in pop heaven.
Demi is a proven cradle-robber. Now that she’s on the prowl again, Bieber could easily land the hottest MILF on the planet. Plus, it’s about time that the Biebs learns that whippets are fun.
Yes, Dree is related to Ernest. She’s also the model/actress that was in Justin Bieber’s perfume commercial. You know, the one where he comes flying in the window? Oh you don’t? Nevermind then. Just take my word for it.
Did you know that Justin Bieber and Kristen Bell used to be neighbors? Probably not. Luckily for you, I’ve got nothing but time to read up on all the hottest gossip columns. Don’t tell me that she didn’t think about joining the party across the street at least once. Now’s her only chance. Anything to piss off Dax Shepard.