If I had a dime for every time I used the line “Let’s lather ourselves in paint and have sex on a giant piece of canvas,” I would have zero dimes and my face would be black and blue with slap prints. But my pain is apparently Love Is Art‘s pleasure. They offer a product that helps couples do exactly that: “a kit that comes with everything a couple needs to safely make a tangible piece of abstract expressionistic art while being intimate with each other” — as their website states.
It’s the brainchild of “artist” Jeremy Brown — who I’m assuming doesn’t mention that the kit should come with about half a case of red wine and a quarter ounce of psilocybin mushrooms.
He also doesn’t mention that you can save yourself the $60+ price tag Love Is Art is charging and just bang your girlfriend while she’s on the rag and hang your white sheets on your living room wall BECAUSE THAT’S PRETTY MUCH THE SAME THING.