(ALERT: Scott Calonico is our latest Comedy Vertical contributor. He’s a comedian and filmmaker who lives in Dundee Scotland. But he’s originally from Texas – which makes that scenario kind of weird.)
So you’ve watched a few episodes of AMC’s Breaking Bad. You might figure that the meth business looks pretty interesting – except for the stupid stuff that people do while they’re cranked out to the gills. Meth users smash phone boxes, jump out of buildings, and even kill their unborn children. Needless to say, none of these situations are good.
Do you want to know the craziest thing that someone has ever done on crystal meth? It took place back in the 1940s and involved invading and conquering most of Western Europe, North Africa, and a good part of Russia! And everyone involved got their meth from…THE GOVERNMENT.
THAT is WHACK, yo!
To experience this state of Meth-Disneyland (or Meth-neyland), you’d have to live back during World War II; where you’d get the meth from your favorite local Nazi doctor. (We all know what kind of a reputation those guys had.) The last little snag: To score this meth you’d also have to be a Nazi soldier.
You see, Adolf Hitler was a real life Walter White; he dispensed vials of Pervitin pills – made out of methamphetamine – to his soldiers who were running amok across Poland, Holland, Belgium, Norway, France, and most of Western Russia.
But don’t think that it was just the Nazis who were trying to corner the meth market. The Allies (that’s the good guys) were doing the same thing to their bomber crews. This experiment stopped when it was discovered that hopped up bomber crews had no way of channeling their aggression when they were 30,000 feet in the air; except on other crew members and unsuspecting bombing targets.
That being said, we’ve combed through numerous episodes of Breaking Bad to bring you major differences between…Breaking Bad Meth (fake) vs. Nazi Meth (real):