Craigslist Roommate Nightmares: F*ck tards, Male Prostitutes, and Swingers.

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Ready for more Craigslist Roommate Nightmares? Cohabitation scenarios so twisted – we couldn’t even dream them up. Today we have a house full of f*ck tards, male prostitutes, and a very special swinger couple. What more do you need from your potential roommate situation?

Read on to find out why moving back into your parent’s house isn’t such a bad idea.

Looking for a Female Roommate- NO RENT!
Ad Reads: No! My Motive isn’t just sex and I’m not seeking a date. I’m a retired ad agency executive, single, living in a great condo complex.

Frankly, I’d like some female company who is a better conversationalist than my one small cat. I’m looking for a young woman (18 to 35) who might be short on money and needs a nice place to stay without having to pay rent. Your background isn’t important to me. I don’t care about your yesterdays. No questions asked. It’ll be a great opportunity to ‘save up’ some meaningful cash.

My Take: Do you like your stuff looked through when you are not there? Then this is the guy for you. Ladies, expect never to have a boyfriend while living here.

$600 Need a cool relaxed roommate

Ad Reads: Hi. We ask that you be single not out of a relationship single but living in there solo. We are all gamers here really nerdish but not whimpy we like video games and beer but not really party animals we’re relaxed in our setting and don’t want a party animal f*ck tard to move in because ill boot you. As for that being said we need a game friendly individual who isnt an unemployed bumb running up all the utility’s since we share the bill.

My Take: F*ck tards need not apply – to this bunch of f*ck tards.

$400 Room/bathroom for rent!
Ad Reads: We are a loving, young, educated, straight couple seeking a male or female roommate who is relaxed, personable, professional, and clean. We do not judge race, sexual orientation, or religious preferences. We are an active couple who enjoys cooking, gardening, music, art, the outdoors, and just generally having a good time.

-Kevyn and Katy

My Take: Welcome to the world of swingers! And this is the couple you’ll be swinging with.

Free room for female in exchange for housekeeping

Ad Reads: I’m willing to offer one bedroom for free to a female who is willing to clean the entire house once per week, wash and fold my cloths, change my bed sheets, and help clean up after dinner (I usually cook). I’m not interested in anything sexual. You must like dogs!

My Take: Uh-oh. Your new roommate didn’t mention whether his dog was interested in anything sexual or not!


$550 COULD YOU LIVE WITH A GAY HOOKER? TIGHT QUARTERS/SMOKER

Ad Reads: I am searching for the most unique person to share the most unique living situation.

The place is funky (so am I); tight quarters and a bit “eclectic” in its organization and decor (so am I) — it’s like living on a Boat. Yet it’s comfy, inviting and fun.

There’s a lot to read here …

YOU MUST:
– smoke (or be extremely OK with a smoker environment).
– be very sexually enlightened and OK with my frequent sexing, or sexual yourself in similar ways.
– be OK with the tight quarters involved and sometimes-discombobulated living room.

I AM:
– a 40+ permanently-single gay guy; I sex a lot — often here.
– I smoke cigs and love it. This is a smoking environment. I am a very clean smoker.
– I drink copious amounts of beer, but am hardly ever inebriated (it’s the German blood). I am an occasional dabbler in 420, and that tends to be it; I rarely, but once in a blue moon, will indulge in other things; and I avoid Meth-heads like the Plague.

THE PLACE/SITUATION:
– I get to work from the moment I get up (usually noonish) till 2-3a (sometimes longer); I do projects on the computer for income, and I cruise for sex.
– I sleep on the living room couch; I love it.
– I can pretty much “sleep through anything” or do not mind being awakened (I fall back asleep super easy) — so, it doesn’t bug me if you are up and around while I am crashed; I just don’t want to “bug you” crashed out till mid-day.

My Take: Nothing wrong here. If you enjoy having a gay hooker roommate in tight quarters – that’s great. Not only will he always be at the apartment – but you can always catch him sleeping on the couch. Congratulations, you have found your Shangri la. Enjoy paradise.

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