It’s a horrible world out there filled with horrible people – who want to be YOUR roommate. All you have to do is look on Craigslist Roommate Wanted ads to figure that out. Red flags are abound – enough to make you close your door and pull down the window shades. Today’s nightmares include, a house collective that might be a cult, an older gentleman who wants your photo, and a large man shouting at you. Once more, read on and never sleep again!
Ad Reads: The Zami Housing Collective is looking for a large amount of new members, over 6! So if you’ve been down with co-op living, aren’t into a clean house 24/7, like rando’s and want to turn a space into greatness than Zami may be for you!
Zami! (rhymes with mommy, not whammy, and is also NOT to be confused
with zomBie) is a housing cooperative with 14-18 members. We stand for
social justice, radical politics, alternative lifestyles and maintaining
a safer space and an autonomous zone.
Living at Zami! means:
-committing to come to house meetings at 7pm every sunday.
-committing to complete 5 hours of workshifts a week.
-paying your rent on time
-respecting and communicating nonviolently and effectively with your housemates
-we strive towards sustainability in all forms (we cooperatively buy
local/organic/vegan food only)
-it’s a home; it’s not just a place to live.
My Take: Somehow I envision living at Zami! (rhymes with mommy, not whammy, and is also NOT to be confused with zomBie) ending with everyone putting on their Nike tennis shoes and boarding the Mothership, as follows:
Ad Reads: LOOKING 4 A LIVE IN GF 4 REAL WITH ALLOWANCE
ME I WORK REAL HARD AND NEED HELP KEEPING MY PLACE CLEAN, IF YOU NEED A PLACE TO STAY AND ARE WILLING TO HELP ME COOL THIS IS NOT FOR SEX,YOU CAN MAKE UP YOUR OWN MIND AND I WONT BOTHER YOU ABOUT IT. WE CAN BE LIVE IN FRIEND’S AND WHAT EVER COMES OF IT IF ANYTHING COOL IF NOT COOL.
JUST WANT A COOL GIRL THAT’S ALL. AND I CAN HELP YOU WITH MONEY FOR PERSONAL THING’S.
My Take: Doesn’t all caps mean the person is shouting at you? STOP SHOUTING! Are you scared? I’m little scared.
Ad Reads: One (1) Non-smoking, clean, respectful, low-key person only please— You just you.
The only “Unusual” thing is you that cannot Wear or Use Any Scented products–colognes/perfumes/scented bath/personal care/lotions/laundry products, etc, as I am very sensitive/allergic to ANYTHING with a fragrance.
Just use/choose UNscented products instead.
My Take: My new roommate better not piss me off or eat my food in the middle of the night. Do you know what happens if she does? The scented fragrances get slapped right on; here comes the musty pine cologne!
Ad Reads: We Are seeking a bi femme that is looking to hang out/live with us. I am not in any way looking for something just sexual, I would prefer a friendship with both of us and more if we click. We will pamper and cater to you in every way…I am not big clubber more a dinner, movie, sports bars are more along my lines.Age, Race isn’t a issue just be about your Business and no drama, most def no Crazy chicks. Pic for a Pic. If you scared to come from behind the computer, keep it pushing.
My Take: Keep the rape whistle close at hand.
Older gent looking for companionship…no sex
Ad Reads: I would like a good looking young girl to live with me.
I have a nice condo in the Marina overlooking the boats.
Your own bedroom and bathroom.
I am a bit old and I am no longer interested in sex, but would like to have a nice female to brighten up my day.
Send me a picture or two and the nicest one wins.
My Take: Hey! It’s like a fun contest involving an older gent as the prize. All you young girls have to do is send this older gentleman photos of yourself. He’ll then look through all the photos of the young girls. Then he’ll pick a winner. Who knows? It could be you! Then all you have to do is brighten this older gentleman’s day!