Craigslist Roommate Nightmares: Obese Nudists, House Boys and Lawn Mowing

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Painful dental work is on par with trying to find a descent roommate off a Craigslist ad. It’s a creepy world out there – and it’s our job at COED to point out exactly how creepy it is. Time to look at more Craigslist Roommate Nightmares. This week we have obese nudists, house boys, and sexual uninhibited people who like to mow the lawn. Do you want shivers to run up the back of your neck? Read on. Then weep. Then read on some more. Weep again:

$300 looking for nudist roomate

Ad Reads:32 Hispanic male looking for another male nudist roommate. I have a 1 bedroom apartment. Bedroom is big enough to fit another bed. Not looking for sex in exchange for rent. Prefer someone that is my age or younger and not obese. Even tho its not gonna be sexual, I don’t want to look at a naked obese or chubby person when I’m at home.

My Take: That’s right, all you older fatties need not apply. Go find your own 1 bedroom apartment where you can do things like eat tubs of chicken with your obese fingers and let the crumbs fall between the crevices of the folds in your naked, obese body – only to find the crumb-remnants days or weeks later. You and your naked obese/chubby person body wont be allowed to sit around my 1 bedroom apartment and watch reruns of Ice Road Truckers – not on my watch; not on my watch!

Looking for a YOUNG, BIG live-in HOUSE BOY!

Ad Reads: You need to be tall, well-built, straight acting and appearing THE MORE MASCULINE AND MUSCULAR THE BETTER and a easy going chill kinda guy who’s eager to please and have fun. I provide for all the living expenses you provide your own food and clothes and incidentals and You are my BOY TOY…

I’m looking for a young tall well-built guy who needs a place to stay and is willing to exchange sexual favors for it!!! I live in Silicon Valley about 45 min from SF and I’m looking for a Live-In House boy. I’m clean and bug free so You be also and I’m very discreet and like to keep my personal life private..

My Take: Damn! I was all set to answer your ad – except I’m not bug free. Yes, I’m a bug infested BOY TOY. Is that really a deal breaker? Couldn’t one of the expenses you – my new roommate – provide be bug spray? I’m muscular and masculine – I just happen to have a lot of bugs. We could take care of it in a very discreet manner – then live on together in perfect bug-free-boy-toy-harmony.

$400 ………..Nice Apartment/ Female Roommate Only

Ad Reads: Clean nice apartment highrise, with 24 sign in security. Not looking for nothing sexual but very nice roommate that keep to myself.

My Take: Nothing wrong here. First, nothing sexual is going to go on with your new roommate – that’s why he clearly states so in the ad. He just wants to keep you to himself – that’s all; forever and ever…Most likely in a deep well hidden in the basement – where he’ll do some weird dance for you with his man-parts between his legs.

$450 Room mate needed, female only please!

Ad Reads: We are seeking a single or divorced female to share our home. We will consider a single mother with an infant, toddler or young child on a case-by-case basis. We will not consider a male/female couple, or a female who has a boyfriend that plans on staying with her most nights. Men, DO NOT REPLY please.

Our “perfect” room mate:

Sexy

Great ass and legs. Nice rack is appreciated, but optional.

Wild and uninhibited!

Loves to clean, cook and do all home chores, to include mowing the lawn.

Prefers to lounge around the house scantily clad.

Gives great massages, (MAJOR BONUS POINTS!)

Bi or Lesbian get bonus points!

Strippers and dancers encouraged to apply!

Pays rent on time.

We’re open-minded, playful and love to flirt, tease, harass and laugh. Playful sarcasm and suggestive remarks and innuendo are constantly flying about. We relax and lounge about in boxers, PJ’s, boy shorts, sweats and any other comfortable attire.

My Take: Nothing wrong here. I happen to have a nice rack, great ass, and legs (two of them in fact). What’s the problem here? Plus, I have an insatiable love for mowing the lawn. The more lawns, the beter. And when I’m done with mowing the lawn – it’s massage time! The only problem is: when I lounge around  in comfortable attire, it’s usually a Nazi SS uniform. Is that a deal breaker?

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