Craigslist Roommate Nightmares: Nothing Sexual, Clean Girl, and Free Internet

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Having trouble sleeping at night? Perhaps you spent too much time on Craigslist reading “roommate wanted” ads? Once again, we explore the horrors and red flags tied to looking for a roommate on Craigslist. Don’t worry – the red flags are usually in the ad!

$750 Were just two cool guys

The Ad Reads: What up? We’re two cool guys looking for other cool guys who wana hang out in our party apartment. Nothing Sexual. Dudes in good shape encouraged. If you’re fat you should be able to find humor in the little things. Again NOTHING SEXUAL.

My Take: Why do I think Borat – two Borats as a matter of fact. Nothing sexual – they just want romance explosion on their stomachs.

Rent Swap

The Ad Reads: I am willing to share my place for free to a discrete, cute, clean and mature girl who is willing to be my friend with benefits. I want sex and you a place to live so we both get what we want. Is a plus if you are a student. Thanks for checking up my add.

My Take:You spelled “ad” wrong. This creepy man is looking for a “clean” girl – as clean as one would be if they were in the habit of swapping sex for free rent.

$100 looking to share 1bedroom apt w/female

The Ad Reads: rent is negotiable..im a MALE… looking to share 1 bedroom apt with OPENMINDED FEMALE… i need to practice massages… so u will have to lay the & get a oil massage everynite…. NOT LOOKING FOR SEX OR RELATIONSHIP…so ur safe!! ur chores will be to keep apt clean.. cook if ur gona eat.. & of course ur oil massages

My Take: Yup, no sex involved here; all you have to do is get oil massaged – EVERY SINGLE DAMN NIGHT! As the evenings wear on, you’ll learn to cower in fear when you hear the words shouted, “TIME FOR YOUR OIL MASSAGE!” Somehow I image your new roommate has a total of 3 fingers on both hands.

$300 OMG, it can’t be this hard to find a sane roommate

The Ad Reads: Yes, it’s me again and yes, I am looking for a housemate again. Yes, this is taking me awhile but I am waiting for the right roomie :))

Here is my list of things: (If any of these apply to you, please pass me by)

1. No, you cannot use the back room for a meth lab, I don’t care how good you are at it and that it’s your only source of income
2. I am glad you served your time for murder but my neighbors frown on the ankle bracelet
3. My front yard is not equipped for all the “Get out SEX offender” signs
4. Slumber parties are not for six 18 year olds and you (Mr., they make me feel young again)
5. My home is not a motel for your “dates”
6. Yes, I like men, no I am not looking for a live-in date (my dates go home, not to the other room)
7. I like male roommates because they don’t take my clothes, my jewelry or my dates. Well, usually :)
8. I don’t care about your sexual preference please don’t care about mine :)
9. There is no master bedroom here. We are equals in this house and this is an OLDER home and I am over 40. I love ya, just don’t want to raise ya.
10. I am not your cook or maid. See #8
11. I am really glad you are looking for a job and I hope you find one soon.
12. Yes, your kids and relatives can come for a VISIT. Again, keyword “VISIT”

My Take: Your new roomie will come into your bedroom every night at 2am, stand by your bed, and recite you long list of criteria. She will then insist on giving you a sponge bath while reciting bible verses.

$1 Seeking live-in girlfriend/companion free rent

As the title says, Seeking a live-in Girlfriend with Benefits. In order for this to work though, you must have a healthy sexual appetite.Arrangement where rent, utilities, etc are paid by me, and you get to live 100% free. , wi-fi, cable, internet, etc.In order for this to work though, you must have a healthy sexual appetite.

My preference is as follows:

- Latin, Caucasian, Black or Asian

- Slim to Athletic Body Only

- 20-35 years old (I’m 35)

- Very DDF

- 420 Friendly

- Have an awesome sense of humor

Send pic first in order to receive. Please be serious when replying and send a full body and face pic when replying and reply with mine.

My Take:
Come’on, be serious about this. Really. Your new roommate mentions twice that you must have a healthy sexual appetite. I wonder if this is important to him. The up side is not only do you get free wifi, but also free Internet.

Have you ever had a Craigslist Roommate Nightmare. Let COED know in the comments below!

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