How Indestructible Are Peeps?

‚ By  News-ish-How Indestructible Are Peeps?
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It wouldn’t be Easter without those strange, little marshmallow concoctions know as, “Peeps.” This yellow, chick-shaped, seasonal confectionary was first manufactured in 1953 by the Just Born candy company in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. This mad-yellow-delicacy was the brainchild of  Russian immigrant Sam Born. He first produced Peeps by painstakingly hand-forming each individual chick. (Talk about a crappy job.) Later, Mr. Born got the idea bright idea of  mass producing Peeps on a chick line.

Peeps Fun Facts: 

If you spell “Peeps” backwards, you get “Speep.”  According to the Urban Dictionary, “Speep” refers to the “male queef” – the expulsion of a small amount of air from the urethra, exiting the “meatus” or “penis hole.” The term was derived from the distinct and faint sound made when one “speeps.” (As in the sentence: “Stop acting like a little speep.”) Make sure you spell the word in the correct order -Speeps is a hell of a lot different than a tasty Easter basket stuffer.

It was once rumored that Peeps were indestructible. In 1999, scientists at Emory University performed experiments on batches of Peeps to see how easily this  Easter candy would disintegrated when faced with the rigors of boiling water and cigarette smoke. The Emory scientists claimed that the eyes of Peeps wouldn’t dissolve in any capacity. (Creepy.)

Following in the proud footsteps of these brave Emory scientists, I conducted my own Peep tests. Subjecting the Easter-time confectionary  to a microwave, fire, and boiling water, this is what followed:

Results: When a Peep was shoved into a microwave for one minute and thirty seconds, it ended up looking like the alien surface of an uncharted planet – in a faraway galaxy. Uncanny, the black Peep eyes expanded and remained intact. When put up to fire, the poor Peep melted like a candle. Again, the Peep eyes walked away unscathed. Finally, when a Peep was dropped into steamy hot boiling water, it queerly liquified and turned into Peep soup. A different story unraveled when the heat was turned down and the Peep was dropped into the saucepan; the confectionary reverted back to its original marshmallow state.

Conclusion: Peeps are far from indestructible – but they do make a tasty soup. Satisfied? Now go and enjoy the day of Jesus’ death.

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