No matter how you cut it, when you are dating someone, you’re definitely not just dating that person. You’re really dating them, their bff, the girl she “used to hate in high school but is now friends with again for some reason or another,” her hairdresser, and everyone she’s ever known… whether or not you like it. Personally, I think a friend’s opinions in your relationship are irrelevant, but you’re going to have to deal with them at some point. You might as well be ready for them. I’ll even go so far as to say that a friend’s opinion in your relationship is like a pimple: everyone has to put up with them; they’re annoying as h*ll; and if you don’t ever have to deal with them, I hate you with a deep seeded passion. [lead image via imageegami / Shutterstock]
While this may come off as harsh, I feel pretty strongly about my friends minding their own business when it comes to my relationships. Look, if you’re my boy then you’re going to stay the hell out of who I’m thrusting on unless it’s a comment of how hot she is or something along those lines. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends and their opinions matter to me in most situations, just not ones that involve who I’m sleeping with. That’s just how it should be in my book. Granted I’m a bit of a private person when it comes to the details of my relationships, which I know is ironic considering I write this column every week, but I think that part of a friend’s duty is to keep their nose out of my business when it involves a woman. If they think the girl is crazy, well… they are probably right because I tend to find the craziest of the crazy here in NYC. All the same, they shouldn’t be telling me how to go about it unless I specifically ask them for help.
That’s the biggest thing for me: please realize that if you’re my friend and I want your opinion, you’ll know. Regardless of what my friends think of a girl I’m seeing, I obviously saw something in the girl that caught my attention, and if a friend doesn’t see it then that’s cool, but they also don’t have to see it. I’m a big boy, I’m gonna do what I want to and if it comes back to bite me in my ass a couple months down the road then I give you full permission to say how I should have listened to you and blah blah blah. Whatever.
On the flip side, I gotta say that her friend’s opinions matter at least a little bit. Lets face it: if her friends don’t like me, I’m not getting laid. Fact. Girls talk more sh*t in one session of hanging out than I would ever talk about to my closest friends about in a year. Every one of your girl’s friends know how you are in bed, how big your d*ck is, if you have a freckle on your a**, if you have a weird birthmark somewhere, etc. because girls talk about that stuff.
I dated a girl in NYC for a short time over a year ago and I still am meeting friends of hers who know way too much about what I’m working with behind closed doors. Its crazy. Because this is an inevitable truth, just like “eventually we’re all going to die” and “making out with your average looking tutor when you see them at last call at the bar because you’re otherwise going home alone”, you need to get in the friend’s good graces somehow.
Go to a movie on a lame double date with her best friend & their boyfriend, go to the beach with them, whatever as long as they see you aren’t a total shithead. Mold their opinion early on, which by the way also normally means you’re treating your girl pretty damn well in the process, and you’ve got the Midas touch for the rest of the relationship. If you don’t and they think you’re just another asshole she met at the bar, well you better work on your safe cracking skills because getting laid will be harder than trying to break in to goddamn fort knox while wearing dayglo.
The one interesting grey area in this for me, however, is the keystone of being a man in your 20’s: the drunken hookup. I think I may actually be flipping my stance on my friend’s input or opinion when it comes to hooking up with a random girl I meet while out and saying that, not only does it matter and is important, but also that it very may well be my last line of defense from waking up in the morning and immediately going to get tested thanks to the questionable girl asleep in my bed next to me. If there is anyone I want steering my drunk ass at last call it’s the people I’ve know the longest and who know me the best. Hell, at that point in the night I will take any help I can get to make sure I’m not hopping in a cab with a female version of Chewbacca or worse, my copyright law professor.
If my friends are trying to get in the way of my one night stand, I like to think it means I’d regret my own actions. Because of this, I think friends have every right, and maybe even a responsibility, to voice an opinion about a one night stand because lets face it: no matter how many times you step into the batter’s box, fact is you’re not going to hit a home run every time. Your friends are there to make sure you’re at least waiting for your pitch and swingin’ for the fences, even if it means you only hit a blooper to center and barely make it to second. And to answer your question: Yes. I did just take it all back to sixth grade sexual baseball references. You’re welcome.
In closing, keep this in mind: if you date a girl, get on her friend’s good side quick and tell your buddies to f**k off when it comes to what they think. If you’re just hooking up with a girl randomly, listen to your friends because they may just be the saving grace that has you waking up regret free in the morning instead of you pulling an Aron Ralston to get away from the beast you took home the night before. Too soon? Its not too soon if they made a movie about it right?
Anyways, until next week, party so hard your grandma gets a hangover.