20 Women Tebow Should Tebown

Everyone is talking about Tebow.  From his worthiness as an NFL quarterback to his devout Christian beliefs, it seems everyone has something to say about Tim Tebow.  But football and religion aside, the real question on everyone’s mind is Lindsey Vonn getting Tebowned? That’s the rumor circulating online after she was spotted in the Tebow family box at the Broncos game. We can’t stop squabbling over this guy’s sex life, or lack thereof. Is it even remotely possible that an NFL QB in the 21st Century can still be a virgin at 24? Is it possible he “plays for the other team”? We all know women love a good challenge – well, here’s the Mt. Kilimanjaro of men, ladies. Who has a legit shot at swiping Tim’s v-card? Here’s our list of the top 20.

Ashley Greene: Although Tim was born in the Phillipines, he grew up in and around Florida. Ashley’s from Jacksonville and also happens to love virgins. She stole Joe Jonas’.

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Alyssa Milano: Alyssa bangs baseball players like you breathe oxygen, and Tim Tebow took batting practice – hitting 12 homeruns in 15 pitches @ the University of Memphis.

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Cameron Diaz: I mean, does Cameron need a reason to be on this list? Doesn’t she date every athlete?

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Erin AndrewsYou know that she’s on her way out and needs some serious inside information on the league’s hottest commodity. Who better to get it from than the man (the myth / the legend) himself?

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Gisele Bundchen: It’s definitely not Tebow’s style, but seriously… wouldn’t Gisele fill the empty Heisman void on Tebow’s mantle nicely?

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Hayden Panettiere: She just broke up with Vladimir Klitschko and needs another way-to-big-for-her-small-framed-body stud in her life.

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Houston: Once known for having gang-banged over 620 men (at one time a world record), the ex-pornstar has now seen the light and given her body to God. Since we all know that God is only a pseudonym for Tim Tebow, this is already a done deal. Check out Houston and some other pornstars that have given themselves to the Big Guy in the sky.

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Jaime Edmondson: This hottie is a huge sports fan, was a Miami Dolphins cheerleader, and can protect Tebow from the masses because she used to be (get this) a cop. She’s already gotten into Cam Newton’s pants, so Tebow seems like a likely next target.

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Jenn Sterger: Jenn’s got it in for Tebow. As an alumni of FSU and sworn enemy of the Gators, she’ll do anything she can to ruin Tebow’s life. She’ll swipe his V-Card and never call him back in an attempt to decimate the most loyal man in the world.

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Jessica Bentley: This former Playboy Coed of the Week is a smoking hot alumni of the University of Florida. Obviously she’s got an eye on the second-coming, and the fact that she was a journalism major means she’ll do whatever she can to get a good story.

Jordan Elway: Chicks love to piss off their overprotective dads. Since Poppa Elway is the GM of the Broncos and doesn’t think that Tim is good enough to be his QB, he definitely doesn’t think that he’s good enough to pork his daughter. Challenged accepted.

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Julianne Hough: No man has had a chance to take this beauty to bed. That’s right, both Julianne and Tim are saving themselves for marriage.

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Kate UptonIt’s no secret that Kate Upton is at least somewhat interested in athletes. Having Tweeted with the Gronk, she might be interested in someone who hasn’t already f*cked a porn star.

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Lindsay LohanLinsday would be like a project for Tim… a fun, hot mess of a project that would involve him trying to save a soul from eternal damnation. Who knows, he might even learn to live a little.

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Lindsey Vonn: I mean, this one is already pretty much settled. Rumors have it that Tim is the reason that she the famously hot skier got a divorce and the fact that she’s been spotted with Tebow’s brother, has attended numerous Broncos games, and Tebowing at an award ceremony makes it pretty obvious.

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Minka Kelly: The recently single Minka Kelly was in the news lately for having her engagement with Jeter annulled. Since Derek’s back in the game, it only makes sense that Minka’s going to try to go on a streak of her own.

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Stacy Kiebler: As one of the Premiere Women Who Wow’d, it would be just like Stacy to leave George Clooney and on to the next untouchable male star. She knows a thing or two how to make a man submit.

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Sydney Esiason: Not only is she nice on the eye, Tim’s already got the A-OK from the Sydney’s father, Boomer. “If he said he wanted to marry my daughter, I’d be happy as hell, because he’s that kind of person.”

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Taylor Swift: Taylor claims to be all holy and sh*t plus there’s even a parody of her song “15” to the tune of the Tim because of his number.

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Susan Boyle: Let’s be real folks, Susan is in need of some sexy time. And so is Tim. She’ll be singing his praises for ages, or until she finds someone else (likely the same period of time).

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  1. […] Who has a legit shot at swiping Tim’s v-card? Check out our top picks after the jump. Via: 20 Women Tebow Should Tebown (COED Magazine » […]

  2. […] Who has a legit shot at swiping Tim’s v-card? Check out our top picks after the jump. Via: 20 Women Tebow Should Tebown (COED Magazine » […]

  3. Johnny says:

    how tacky can you media dummies be??? Why don't you leave Tim Tebow alone. I guess what most women think about men is true… all you think about is sex. Sex and sports, no wonder there's people like Sandusky in the midst of it.

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  5. Obiwan says:

    Wow. You guys are so far off base, I find it difficult to respond. We'll just suffice it to say, I doubt very seriously this guy is gonna fall into the (hoped for by the media) cesspool which most popular athletes and celebrities love to frequent. He's the real deal. The funny thing is, he doesn't get angry with those making fun of or trashing his faith. He just loves 'em anyway. Wonder where he learned that?

    1. dAN says:

      not from you. Cesspool really? You think because you claim you are a Christian which I HIGHLY doubt given your level of hate, that you can call human beings "cesspool" that you can just get off without a comment your wrong!

      it was a funny article, Once again all you've done is shoot your wounded, disillusion people who got tired of being hyper-critical (like you CLEARLY demonstrated) and ensure that no one reading this will ever WANT to be like you. You're actually playing for the other team champ.

      BTW, I LIKE TEBOW but I don't believe his overstated actions really do anything. I wouldn't care if he cussed etc. What demonstrates his true believe is not his overblown bowing etc., it's his WORKS. The guy built an orphanage and cares for "the least of these" which unlike most of the hyper-critical stone-throwers here who would no doubt HATE anyone that even appears to have a humorous point. Again, the irony is "You don't need a doctor" You know, the only people who don't need God, are those that are SELF-righteous. You make your own. Therefore you don't need HIS. Good luck….

  6. Yajustdontgetit says:

    Or.. you two commenters could.. you know.. take a joke. Defending Tim when no one has done anything to him comes off kinda sad. He's a big boy, he can take care of himself. Plus this was funny and no one got hurt. Relax.

    1. bobby says:

      I doubt John Elway and Boomer Esiason are taking it as a joke.

  7. John Dickov says:

    Was this supposed to be humor? Social commentary? Either way–Major Fail.

    1. teresa moore says:

      Right on ,John

  8. Shawn says:

    Stupid awful and offense. Tim Tebow lives his life the right way and this is what he gets for it. As far a living a little, maybe the writer of this article needs to live for God. Get a life dude and quite writing garbage.

    1. teresa moore says:

      Now thats a good mouth full,Shawn

    2. yeah a mouthful of bullsh*t

    3. fsu guy says:

      hey bozo, please calm down, you can buy the Tebow Fathead!!

    4. "and offense" yes, he's a quarterback, he's on offense. how do you "quite" writing?

  9. chip myrtle says:

    Tacky to 'slutty'…women and girls showing T & A…are 'any' of them really a 'worthy' goal for any mature, serious male striving for success and 'good' for himself, for his friends, and for his family to be content , joyous, and truely happy. Whether you are a professional athlete, an insurance salesperson, a 'landscaper', a truck driver, a bond salesperson (on Wall Strret…or anywhere), an entrepeneur…the answer is a 'definite absolute' and a 'simple' NO!.

    1. teresa moore says:

      Spoken like a real man Chip, somthing we dont hear r see often.

    2. haha, you're calling Susan Boyle tacky and slutty? How do you think the women in this article would feel about you calling them those names. How Christian of you!

  10. daniel says:

    Tese women are just pieces of meatLlet Tim continue serving God.He will get him a decent wife.

    1. Susan Boyle is a piece of meat?

  11. Getajob says:

    Bad Taste and why do you always portray women as sluts. Gisele is with Tom!! This whole article is just nasty. Get a job!! I am glad to see so many people agree with me. Thank you and I am so happy to see so many Tebow supporters. Go Broncos!! Delete this article it is not news worthy at all.

    1. Imelda says:

      Not all the women in this story are sluts. Julianne Hough is saving herself for marriage. Women should save themselves for their husbands.

    2. "Get a job?" SICK! You want a woman to place her hand or mouth on my junk! PERVERT!

  12. Russ says:

    Wow… I really do not like this at all… Come on just to make an article… Te-boned… not real nice…

  13. bobby says:

    This is literary trash! Wow! I can't believe someone wrote this. This is pretty offensive.

  14. Iowncalifornia says:

    Jeez, what a bunch of skanks. Can't find a real, honest-to-goodness woman in the
    bunch. Must be the authors dream team of conquests he is never going to get
    outside of his hand. Your pathetic.

    1. Susan Boyle is a skank? Interesting.

    2. fromTimshometown says:

      Julianne Hough

  15. Imelda says:

    The slutty comments are unkind. Julianne Hough is still probably a virgin. Though, I think it is cool when a woman saves herself for husband. Personally, If I were a man, I would not want someone else's leftovers.

    1. Brad says:

      yeh because any woman that would remarry after her husband dies is giving the new husband "leftovers" I guess the same is true for rape victims, the woman at the well, those that are date-raped (25% of all women), those that make mistakes, those that gave in to their boyfriends etc. Yep, "leftovers" as if they are WORTHLESS. THAT IS the way YOU see them ISN't IT! As if, they are damaged. ONLY an insecure and VERY self-centered person would think this way

  16. Jamesb says:

    Kill Brady and Gisele's kid? Really? Humor? What's humorus about even joking about killing somebody's kid?

    Obviously written by a recent college grad "writer" with a fish, two gerbils and a stack of Penthouse mags for "family."

  17. Jimmy says:

    I can not believe fox allows this to link to their site. Glad to see most of the comments in here feel the same way. This is not meant to be funny. it is meant to be mean and spiteful. probable a lot of jealousy and self loathing to boot. So much easier to try and ambush someone that actually attempt to have a logical and respectful debate. If this is really passing as journalism these days then this is very sad.

    1. You must suck to hang out with.

  18. Bill says:

    Piece of sh*t! probably a jets fan. new york scum!!! stay classy new york… try get classy new york!!! this is totally bad taste and not funny and SHAME on the backyard for pussing this garbage!.

  19. @buckybone says:

    Come on guys, he's a virgin because he's a devout Mormon. Not saying I agree with it, but yall should respect it.

    Also, to all you people coming on here to take shots at the article's author or the site: Don't click the link, and you'll help to drive this site out of business. Controversy=pageviews=$$$

    1. Dr. R. Evans says:

      Buckybone is incorrect in saying Tebow is a Mormon, although most young members of the LDS Church choose to reserve sex for marriage. He is correct when he says Tebow deserves our respect. It would be an easy thing for him to succumb to the sexual urges we all are blessed with, and join the masses who have forsaken what was once our moral code in America–saving oneself for marriage. Instead he chooses a higher path. He should not be made fun of for doing so.

      Tim is an evangelical Christian who was raised in a home where traditional principles regarding sex were taught. The world would be a safer, healthier, happier place if abstinence (and monogomy in marriage) was the rule rather than the exception. Can you just imagine a world without unwanted pregnancy and STDs?

    2. gooseman says:

      Tebow isn't a Mormon – he's a Baptist.

    3. Marler says:

      He's not Mormon! Check your facts.

  20. socrates says:

    A disgusting article.

    1. MattySi says:

      This is hideous. This guy is a rarity at worst, honourable, respectable, and a great sportsman at best, and you dump on him. This article is just another sign of the way the world is headed, and for nothing more than financial gain. You a**hole!

    2. how are we dumping on him? we're merely suggesting girls he should hook up with.

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