Who Are The Flat-Chested Grand Valley State Chicks That Wrote This Lesbian Boob Job Contract?

Marijuana Prohibition Is The New Alcohol Prohibition [WEEDLY COLUMN]Marijuana Prohibition Is The New Alcohol Prohibition [WEEDLY COLUMN]
Wrap It Up: Zach Braff Is (Not) Gay EditionWrap It Up: Zach Braff Is (Not) Gay Edition

Buzzfeed just posted this contract that was left behind by a dorm room’s previous occupants – three girls. The terms of the contract? If these coeds are still “single and desperate” in 12 years they agree to get boob jobs and if the boob jobs don’t “increase desirability from the opposite (aka male), they’ll become lesbians and adopt African babies. Wow. And they say mass media and pop culture have no influence over the youngins.

Anyway, the person who submitted the contract whited out the girls’ names but not very well. As you can see from the screengrabs below, Alyssa’s last name most likely begins with an ‘M’, Leah appears to list her middle and last name or a two part first name, the second name contains a downward looping letter like a ‘g’ or a ‘y’. Heidi’s last name look like it could start with a ‘G’, ‘E’, or ‘S’ and either ends with an ‘i’ or has an ‘i’ somewhere in the middle. Seeing as the white out extends for so long, it’s probably the latter. Take a look at the screengrabs below and help us ID these flat-chested broads in need of some Ts and a D.

Here’s the full text from the letter:

“If single and desperate on this date, February 28 in the year 2023, we Alyssa [last name whited out] and Leah [last name whited out] agree to be sedated and injected with boobie fluid until desired boob size is reached. Heidi [last name whited out] here by agrees to drive the boobless girls to the plasticf surgeons office and the boobed girls home from the office. She also aggres to take care of the butsified girls sans boob tubes and ass wiping. Mss [last name whited out] also agrees to NOT steal any of Mss [last name whited out] and Mss [last name whited out] prescription Vicodin… it had been agree that Mss [last name whited out] and Mss [last name whited out] will willingly share the drugs with Mss [last name whited out]. If the implanted boobs don’t increase desirability from the opposite sex (aka male), Mss [last name whited out] and Mss [last name whited out] agree to become lesbians together and adopt boobielicious African babies.”

There you have it. Somebody’s gotta know at least one of these chicks – so who are they?

Email us at editor@teamcoed.com!

Comments
The Backyard: Best Of The Web