Guide To Drug Testing For Pot-Smoking Job Seekers [THE WEEDLY COLUMN]
At this point in the summer, some of you have finished finals, college, and started the desperate search for a job. A few of you might have celebrated during or after your exams and smoked some (read: “a brick”) of pot. Nice, right? But, imagine this sticky situation: You finally get a call back from an employer that you were hoping to land a job with. Everything’s going well until the words, “We just need a drug test,” come out. Uh, now what?
If he is one of the chosen few to have abstained from drug use, he’s fine. Since you’re reading this post, though, let’s assume he’s not. As such, his employers-to-be will deem him unsuitable and less qualified for the job than someone with his exact same work ethic and intelligence. F*ck. Here’s what you need to know:
There are various drug tests employers may use to detect cannabinoids in a prospective employee’s body.
- Capable of detecting marijuana usage in the past two to three days
- Most accurate
- Expensive and more intrusive in nature than other tests.
- Rarely used
- They can’t be beat
- May detect traces of cannabis use from 15-30 days before taking the sample
- Cheaper to administer
- Most popular form of testing
- Many intense detox agents claim to completely clean you out within 48 hours but buyer beware, best to ask someone who’s used and succeeded
- Very rarely used
- Can detect anywhere from 90 days to a year of prior cannabis use
- Shave yo’ head to pass!
‘DRUG USER’ VS. ‘DRUG ABUSER’
Drug use becomes drug abuse once its consumption becomes an addiction and/or causes an individual to hurt others. Clinical studies have proven that marijuana is neither physically addictive nor responsible for any physical ailments. Cigarettes have been proven to be both, but I digress. If a substance does not negatively affect a person’s safety, well-being or liberty, I deserve the right as an American to express myself freely.
IF YOU TEST POSITIVE, CITE MICHAEL PHELPS
Michael Phelps has become an unintentional champion of the pot world. I’m not sure how often the Olympic-Gold-Medal-Record-Breaking Athlete smokes, but that’s not what’s important. What I got away from is that I dare anyone to tell me that Michael Phelps is not motivated, that he’s lazy. The Olympian is a user and not an abuser, yet some would still call him a loser. Why? The answer is because society and government propaganda has trained itself to think in terms of black and white. We’re guilty of this in many other aspects as well. Republican or Democrat? Red Sox or Yankees? Team Edward or Team Jacob? “Just Say No” encourages a close-mindedness that casts a shadowy judgement on an undeserving portion of the population. Additionally, this train of thought blames those who actually do need help with addiction to substances.
The lesson here is if you’re applying for jobs or looking for a new one, lay off the bud.