Wrap It Up: How Does My Dirk Taste Edition

By Wyatt June 13, 2011 5:53 pm Posted in Features, WTF Wyatt g+ page

A lot of what is going online has to do with a certain member of the Dallas Mavericks winning the NBA Finals MVP and the parties that ensued after. Having said that, the best article on the web involves the other winter sport in its’ Finals. I can say with complete certainty that come next Stanley Cup game, Danny (the real-life-protagonist) will be 100% responsible for the deaths of at least 5 Canadian drunkards trying to have even half of the night he did. You need to read that story here, then check out random girls’ cleavage here.

A Goodyear Blimp exploded, sadly killing the pilot who was heroically able to rescue the three passengers before sacrificing himself. Unfortunately, this dumb-@ss wasn’t the pilot. Safe to say, no one would be upset.

Yes, it was just the weekend and some other people besides Dallas Mavericks fans were caught celebrating. Nate Robinson, the little guy who can also dunk, was caught peeing in public. Kat Williams was arrested after getting into a fight with a tractor driver.

The other Kat, Kat Dennings, the chick from 40 Year Old Virgin, Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist and Thor, turned a quarter century old. Here’s hoping she shows off dem t*tties again.

The Olsen Twins also turn 25 today. Remember in 2004, when the entire internet rejoiced over them turning “legal” (18)? Now, everyone thinks they’re creepy. How does that happen? How do creepsters like us start calling the kettle black? Is it a foregone conclusion that if you’re a child TV star, you’re f*cked?

Along those same lines, a bunch of us thought Dane Cook was the sh*t in 2005/2006. Then, people pointed fingers, accusing him of stealing Louis CK’s bits then he made a slew of really sh*tty movies. Then THIS HEADLINE comes across our desk. Seriously? This is what Dane’s doing these days? Jesus. Safe to say he’s done-zo? Sauteed d’onions?

At least he has in face intact. We can’t say the same for Shane Carwin. Dude’s face looks like spaghetti and meatballs. And he has to renew his Driver’s License tomorrow! SH*T!

Actually, Carwin could make for a really gnarly 80s action movie super villain. Like Two Face’s cousin. We’re big fans of 80s action movies and we’re even bigger fans of their alternative posters. Bloody meets beauty. Like a young girl’s first period… wait, what?

Speaking of young girls, a new study suggests there’s a link between brain activity in a teen’s brain to the popularity of a song. Come on, scientists, we need you working on a cure for AIDS and cancer, and you’re over there analyzing Bieber Fever.

These scientists are probably also “Bronies”. What are Bronies? Bros that enjoy My Little Pony. And you thought we were pervs.