“Suit yourself. No sweat off my sack. Oh by the way, you might wanna put on a bathing suit ’cause you’ll be channel surfing in no time!” – Cable Guy
The Cable Guy had it right. Channel surfing is the hobby of choice when sitting around your house late at night. There is nothing on television past midnight. But have you ever encountered those channels that made you go, “What the f***?” If you looked more closely you might have noticed how many random channels you are paying for that you never knew existed. In case you haven’t, we’ve compiled a list of WTF-worthy channels that get a slice of your monthly cable bill. Check ‘em out below and let us know if we’re missing any in the comments section.
What is that? Well, RFD-TV stands for Rural Free Delivery TV. This channel is awesome times ten. It deals with concerns involving farming and agriculture. Do not knock it until you try it. Grab a bong before tuning in to this epic adventure of farming and fun. One of the best shows on the channel is The RFD-TV Polka Fest. It is like watching MTV but with polka music. You will not be able to stop watching it without laughing.
How can they make a channel that revolves around a museum? As if the actual museum wasn’t boring enough, now you have the opportunity to enjoy hours and hours of footage geared towards the Smithsonian and all its affiliates. They did somehow manage to grab Morgan Freeman to narrate a show called Soul Revolution. Anytime I hear his voice I somehow feel safe and comforted.
This is one of the greatest channels on television today. It is easily one of the most random but by far the best. It features horror movies and television shows 24 hours a day. Any show, movie, or series that was technically scary will make it on this channel. It has everything from Tales from the Crypt to Twin Peaks. This channel is worth your extra time late at night when searching for something to do. Give this a shot and don’t be mad at me if you wind up calling in sick for work the next day.
Recipe.tv is a channel dedicated to, you guessed it, recipes. As if the recipe book gathering dust in your kitchen was not enough, now there is a television channel, not show but channel, that you can ignore just the same. I find myself beginning to fall asleep just explaining the channel to the public.
A television channel dedicated to the rich and famous? No thanks but I am perfectly fine living in a beat up apartment in the worse part of town. No need for me to be watching EVERYONE else live the good life. That is what reality television is for.
I only wish this was the type of channel we had all hoped it was when we first noticed the word pirate. Sorry folks but Johnny Depp is not going to be gracing us with his presence anytime soon. This channel is all about people stealing satellite tv. Dish network has provided a channel with a toll free number to anyone caught stealing tv. It gives them a chance to redeem themselves without jail time. That is not pirate like if you ask me.
Free Speech TV
The greatest channels are usually the ones that catch our attention with a catchy name like this one, Free Speech TV. This is the most boring television channel in history. It involves us having to watch other people promote their right to free speech otherwise known as CNN. This channel might attempt to do right by us but once again, we are left standing at the alter waiting for someone to come rescue us. No thanks Free Speech Tv, I am good.
The name Veria is taken from the Latin word Veritas, which means “truth”. Veria TV is a television network of natural wellness lifestyle programming, most of which sounds a little like porn: Backyard Boomers, Bedside Manor, Naturally Delicious, The Incurables, and Everybody Nose.
Ovation is a television channel that airs programming dedicated to the arts and contemporary culture. It features programming devoted to performance, people, art, music and film. In addition, Ovation features in-depth profiles on various artists and performers, Arts news from the U.S and around the world and special programming aimed at children. Despite being considered an “arts channel”, Ovation censors its content, most notably in films and documentaries. IFC’s all “Pssh, ha! you guys call yourselves ‘artsy'”.
Centric was formerly BET on Jazz, BET Jazz and BET J and is now a general interest channel geared towards African-American adults. Syndicated programs include The A-Team, Soul Train, The Steve Harvey Show, In Living Color, Miami Vice, Moesha, The Cosby Show, The Jamie Foxx Show, and Sister, Sister.
Retirement Living TV
Retirement Living TV (RLTV) is a network targeted at a demographic aged 50 years and older. Its topics and programs include health care, finance, travel, lifestyle, comedy, and drama. Program hosts include Florence Henderson, Dr. Ruth, and Lea Thompson. Yes, the mom from Back to the Future.
Bridges TV was the first American Muslim television network to broadcast in the English language. The channel was designed to counter negative stereotypes of Muslims, however, in February 2009, a Bridges TV employee was arrested and charged with beheading his estranged wife who also worked for Bridges TV. Womp womp.
Smile of a Child
Smile of a Child TV (or “SoaC” for short, which is extremely creepy) is a Christian children’s channel affiliated with Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN). It features programming from the public domain, such as The Funny Company, The Swamp Critters of Lost Lagoon, The Big Garage, and St. Bear’s Dolls Hospital. Never heard of ANY of those programs. Gotta love public domain. This is THE channel of choice for pedophiles.
here! is an American premium television network targeting the LGBT audiences. Launched in 2002, the channel features original programming like Threesome, This Gay House, Dante’s Cove, In Her Line of Fire, Everything You Wanted To Know About Gay Porn Stars, and Hot Gay Comics. Their film library includes Guys and Balls, Race You To The Bottom, Eleven Men Out, and Fat Girls. Even Bravo’s like, “Damn, that’s gay.”
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