We all love action movies, especially when the big screen is filled with huge explosions and people being blown to smithereens. You’d think with all the action movies released over the years that screenwriters, directors and movie studios would have gotten the message by now: don’t mess with the classic formula. But they don’t seem to get it; instead opting to change what doesn’t need changing. So, in the interest of helping out these doofuses, here are the 6 steps to making an action movie that guys will love.
1. Have A Clear-Cut Plot
No twists and turns where a good guy becomes a bad guy become a…whatever. Move in a straight-forward (and violent) line from the problem to the solution without 15 other subplots distracting us.
2. Feature A LOT of Kick-Ass Weapons
You got to have weapons. Lots and lots of them. All sizes, all shapes. And none of that “Sci-Fi” laser crap coming out the barrel either — the real deal where gunpowder ignites and proves Newton’s third law.
3. Keep Dialogue To Awesome One-Liners
Forget long-winded explanations — this ain’t Shakespeare! The hero needs to cruise through the film spitting out one-liners faster than bullets from his gun.
4. Crank Up The Michael Bay (READ: Explosions!)
Remember that explosions can’t be too big, too often or too loud. And that there doesn’t really need to be much of an excuse for piling them on.
5. Cast Hot Chicks
Doesn’t matter whether they’re the lead or secondary character or part of the crowd scene. There’s no excuse for ordinary females in an action film — for that you can have real life and not pay admission. And their clothes should look painted on, dig?
6. Go Light On The EMO
Yes we know that emotions run high when lives are on the line and all that stands between light and darkness is the hero. But save the touchy-feely stuff for the chick flicks; nobody wants or needs to watch a guy getting in touch with his feminine side here. Remember how well that went down with Superman Returns? Don’t do that.
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