While we’re hardly TV snobs (hey, it’s not called the “boob tube” for nothing) there are some shows we definitely can’t stand. Fortunately, we do have people with the common sense to know when it’s time to pull the plug. But often times, we get television programs that don’t know when to stay dead after jumping the shark. Like a zombie, they lurch across our TV screens and eat away at every last brain cell until we’re mute vegetables unable to change the channel. Here’s a top ten list of the television shows which manage to suck hard while dominating the ratings!
10) Two And A Half Men (CBS)
While Charlie Sheen’s one man show rumbles across the nation to mixed reviews (mostly negative) in real life, Two and a Half Men continues to be a top ratings getter. This series is as boring as it is long – it’s been on the air since 2003 – and has ranked among the top 20 programs every season it aired. That’s 8 years of hacky “risqué” one-liners that only your grandmother would be shocked by. Fortunately, Sheen eventually did enough coke to kill Two and a Half Men for good – he was fired on March 7, 2011, and the show is not expected to return without him.
9) NCIS (CBS)
Trust us, your parents love this show. NCIS, starring Mark Harmon and that-one-hot-goth-girl, follows a special unit of the Naval Criminal Investigative Service as they solve crimes involving the U.S. Navy and Marine Corps. It’s a very bland, run-of-the-mill detective show only with military uniforms instead of police uniforms. It’s also been a runaway success for 7+ years, with a recent February episode garnering a series-high rating of 22.85 million viewers. And don’t expect this show to go away any time soon – the show was recently renewed for its ninth season.
8) Everybody Loves Raymond (CBS)
Everybody loves Raymond? Well, we don’t. The nagging wife, the tired jokes, the cutesy family stuff – this show is lamer than Jay Leno, and on TV about four times as often. Because, unfortunately, the series finale – watched by over 32.94 millions viewers – was just the beginning. Now syndicated on three different cable channels, as well as airing in almost all local markets, Raymond is, unfortunately, one of those shows which will forever be on TV.
7) Grey’s Anatomy (ABC)
This medical drama has been kicking ass since 2005. Season 7 is currently airing, and in that time the show has won 3 Emmys and numerous other awards. Plus, it’s popular – 22.22 million people watched the first season finale. All of this is completely baffling considering the show itself is a sappy, cliché hospital/relationship drama, which used to star the always-annoying Katherine Heigl. How bad is this show? In one episode, a main character was killed by a falling icicle. And it wasn’t supposed to be funny.
6) King of Queens (CBS)
Believe it or not, Kevin James is a pretty awesome stand-up comedian. But for whatever reason, his sitcom is one of the lamest of all time. Airing from 1998 to 2007 on CBS, this yawn-fest starred Smith, hottie Leah Remini as his wife and Jerry Stiller as his father-in-law. With two great comedians, and the gorgeous Remini, it’s actually pretty surprising this show turned out as it did: unfunny, and unwatchable. Too bad, because it’s now on about 100 times a day all across the country in syndication.
5) Glee (FOX)
The creator of Glee, Ryan Murphy, is notorious for throwing little hissy fits when bands refuse to license their songs for his show. He called guitar legend Slash “uneducated” and “quite stupid,” and said “F**k you” to the Kings of Leon. Recently, however, Dave Grohl lashed out, telling The Hollywood Reporter, “”It’s every band’s right, you shouldn’t have to do f*****g Glee. Dude, maybe not everyone loves Glee. Me included. I watched 10 minutes and it wasn’t my thing.” It’s really no question which side to take on this one.
4) American Idol (FOX)
American Idol has two things going for it: the occasional hottie (Carrie Underwood comes to mind) and the tell-it-like-is Simon Cowell. With Cowell now gone, we’re left with a bunch of off-key solo singers who dress like cast members of Breakin’. The music isn’t cool and the judges are dull, but unfortunately this monster is still going strong overall and shows no sign of stopping anytime soon.
3) According to Jim (ABC)
From 2001 to 2009, this sitcom was a consistent hit for ABC, despite never having any actual jokes, stories or personality. Jim Belushi plays a lovable schlub named “Jim” who… you know what? Nobody knows what he did for a living. Nobody knows anything about this show, because nobody anywhere has ever seen it. The fact it was on for eight years is probably the result of a paperwork error over at ABC.
2) Ally McBeal (FOX)
A dancing baby! Uni-sex bathrooms! Neurosis! This comedy-drama about the various crazy characters working at a Boston law firm was supposed to be quirky, but it was really just annoying. McBeal was a grating part of the cultural zeitgeist from 1997 to 2002. It was mercilessly canceled in its fifth season and later dropped from public consciousness.
1) Bridalplasty (E!)
They went with “Bridalplasty” because the title “Frankenstein” was too expensive to license. This E! original is a game show where brides-to-be compete for radical plastic surgery procedures before their respective weddings. The winner of each weekly challenge received a plastic surgery procedure while the overall winner of the show eventually receiving so much plastic surgery that, on the day of her wedding, the groom could only recognize her via nametag. Also, when the losing contestant each week was sent home, the host would say “Your wedding will still go on, it just won’t be perfect.” This show just ended its first season – here’s hoping it doesn’t get a second.
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