What’s wrong with vehicles today: nearly everything! We have to put up with poor gas mileage, traffic, road rage and the lack of lasers and time-traveling technology. It’s days like these we wish we were living in the worlds of geek fantasy, where getting to work on time isn’t a problem and going on a date with Cleopatra in 1920s New York is a reality! There’s plenty of sick rides that our characters use to get from point A to point B, but which ones make us wish science would catch up to the advancements our nerdy realms have made possible? Buckle up and check out COED’s top ten list of fictional vehicles we wish were real!
10) Ghost Rider’s Motorcycle
A motorcycle enhanced by the “spirit of vengeance” looks awfully cool, but how would it ride? It’d probably burn the sh*t out of your legs, that’s how! Plus, an awful lot of deals with the devil seem to surround Ghost Rider’s flaming hog – which when put that way sounds like a raging STD. Still, you could always park wherever you want and never get a ticket.
9) KITT (Knight Rider)
Knight Industries Two Thousand, known as KITT to his friends, is the sentient Trans Am who heroically prevented David Hasselhoff from driving a car between 1982 and 1986. This star of TV’s Knight Rider is among the best fictional rides of all and he brings all the candy: heat-seeking rockets, a ski mode, a money dispenser and, uh, a printer. But still, a printer, right there in car like that? Pretty sweet.
8) The Transformers
Take your pick – Autobot or Decepticon — they’d all be awesome, even though a ‘Con wouldn’t dare let a fleshing like yourself ride inside it. Cruise the nation’s highways and pick up lot lizards with Optimus Prime or take to both the rails and space with Astrotrain! Can’t find any actual Transformers? Don’t worry, throw Peter Cullen into your trunk and let him talk the whole way.
7) The Batmobile (Batman)
There’s about a million different iterations of the Batmobile, but for the most part you can’t go wrong with any. For the nostalgia junkie, the stylish and retro Batmobile of the 60s is the way to go. Or the current “Tumbler” Batmobile from Batman Begins for those wanting a bit more modern grit in their ride. But for my money, it’s the Batmobile from 1989′s Batman that is the quintessential vehicle of choice and the design that has captured the public imagination. Yes, it is a working vehicle that you can buy… if you’re “world’s most lovable billionaire” Arthur.
6) Hoverboard (Back to the Future II)
According to Back to the Future II, in the year 2015 we’ll all be riding around on hoverboards. Real hoverboards are much farther off, however, but the Mythbusters guys sorta built one using a wooden board and a leaf-blower. But anything resembling the movie’s board would need a room-temperature superconductor in order to work – and those don’t exist. So, sadly you can’t buy one, no matter how much money you’ve won from that Sports Almanac you picked up.
The problem with Voltron is that you must have all the robotic lions together if you want to create the gestalt, but that’s not to say that being one of the limbs on their own is a bad thing – in fact, zooming around in a giant robotic lion would probably be g-g-great! We can split hairs over the fact that flight capabilities made walking on the ground practically pointless, or why Voltron’s limbs made up of giant robotic lions to begin with. Those things don’t matter because at the end of the day, having a team of lion robots tear into a giant monster is pretty badass!
4) Bill and Ted’s Phone Booth
Bill S. Preston and Ted “Theodore” Logan had many excellent journeys in that time-traveling phone booth; a long time ago, children, prehistoric people used to make outdoor phone calls in giant boxes that cost a quarter to use. The Old West, ancient Greece, the Civil War – you name the era, and Bill and Ted have had adventures in there, without completely tearing apart the fabric of space and time – which in itself is a miracle.
3) The DeLorean (Back to the Future)
It travels through time! It flies! It runs on banana peels! The plutonium-powered, flux-capacitor-carrying ride from the Back to the Future series is pretty much the ultimate way to avoid speeding tickets. Use it to go back to 1982 when people actually thought DeLoreans were cool and be the toast of the town!
2) The Iron Man Suit
Not only do you become one of Marvel Universe’s most powerful heroes with a suit that flies and shoots lasers, but you can also take a leak in it; when you want to, too – even if you’re standing there all serious talking to Captain America and the Avengers. Although Tony Stark does seem to appreciate the awesomeness of his suit for the most part, we think it’d be much better with a weed vaporizer and boombox speakers.
1) Death Star (Star Wars)
Look, at their heart, the Empire is not an evil organization. They just want to bring a little order to a galaxy overrun by smugglers, Hutts and other villainous scum. The whole thing with Alderaan was a big mistake, too – it jumped out in front of the Death Star, it was startling! Anyway, this is the biggest, baddest fictional vehicle ever. And you have an endless army of loyal Stormtroopers and Imperial Officers to boot!
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