3 Reasons Why Girls Say “No” To Sex

Photo by Winston Davidian, Photodisc

The bra is off, you’re making out and then, BOOM, your door slams shut; your hot date rushes out, making excuses and fumbling as she does up her shirt. “Wait -” you think, “That wasn’t supposed to happen!” What drove your dream girl to make a mad dash towards freedom? To eliminate all the mind-boggling guesswork, I’ve put together the top three reasons why she left you high, dry and naked. Now, put some clothes on!

1) She’s Virtually Married, Timing Is Everything

If the girl has: a boyfriend, a husband, someone she’s seeing or someone “back home” then this is the problem. First things first, naughty you for pursuing a girl who is “spoken for.” However, it’s understandable why you did it. People (not just girls) often fall into the trap of committing themselves to relationships they’re not that interested in for the sake of security. Unfortunately, lots of boyfriends and girlfriends are nothing more than an accessory.

So when someone they actually fancy in a raw, animalistic kind of way pops up, they’re forced to reconsider their options, weighing up long-term security versus a night of passion. They’re going to want to feel red-hot attraction; probably after they’ve squabbled with their other half over some minor domestic detail. This is what will create the moment where they feel ‘O.K.” to cheat.

Timing is very important, even more so when they may have been tempted numerous times before. Any English Majors out there will appreciate the reference here to Madame Bovary: bored housewife, almost had an affair with a guy she really liked, but held back, then she put out to the very next smooth talker who she met.

Moral of the story: Timing is why people have affairs, so be prepared to persist. Something as simple as pinging her with a text every week or so will help to keep you on her radar. If she pings you back out of the blue you can almost guarantee it’s because the other guy screwed up, and she’s giving you a shot. Keep her in your peripherals, and wait until the moment is right.

2) She Really Cares / Wants You To Respect Her

A girl may also “hold out” because she’s really into you and wants you to feel the same way about her. By not sleeping with you, she hopes that you will invest time and effort into pursuing her. They say that people care about what they invest in, so by chasing her you’ll start to care about the outcome. Sometimes guys will become so focused on the outcome that they’ll compromise what they want – staying single – to get the result – sex; which means suddenly two people are in a relationship.

As for those pesky feelings, this is a tricky situation to manage. Your best bet is to lead a righteous life and manage the girl’s expectations. If you don’t want a relationship then tell her that; just make sure your behavior doesn’t conflict with what you say. So no ringing her in the dead of night for her to come and see you, or saying things “in the moment” that you didn’t precisely mean.

You can “tell her what she wants to hear” if you like and deceive her into sleeping with you, but this isn’t a good way to behave. She gets hurt, you’re an idiot and you lose your integrity – which is way more important than a one night stand. Instead, maintain your non-committal attitude, be more aloof, and when she feels she is losing the fight she’ll probably give in to you to try and maintain your interest. This doesn’t mean you’ve acted like a saint, but it does mean that the girl made the decision to sleep with you in full knowledge of how you feel.

3)  She Isn’t A Slut…Honest!

The girl who is horny (but attempting to be “moral”) is your best bet for a hook-up. Due to some stupid social standards, girls may censor themselves from hooking up with you as they’re worried that people will think they’re a slut. Thanks to nagging mothers, the media and a lot of other conservative grumblings, girls may feel like they can’t freely have sex, without risking being judged.

By vocalizing her concerns you can probably do a lot to ease her mind. Assure her that you “don’t usually do things like that” (unless that is a total lie, in which case just do your best to conceal the rotating door to your bedroom) and tell her that you’ll keep her confidentiality. Not kissing and telling is not only the classy thing to do, but also the reason why you may get high quality girls having secret love affairs with you.

And if none of these tactics to turn a “no” into a “yes” work; don’t despair. A “no,” more often than not, means “not yet”; and persistence so often beats resistance.

For more tips on how to get the girl,

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  3. Antigone5108 says:

    How about "Because she doesn't want to fuck you". Why didn't that make the list? She's decided you are a shitty kisser, you keep doing this weird thing with your hand, she realized going home and studying would be a more productive use of her time, whatever- they all fall under the "Decided she didn't want to fuck you".

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  9. Aphrodite says:

    I agree 100% with Antigone. Most of the time I get pushed farther than I ever wanted to go in the first place, and it finally reaches the breaking point and I just bail. Some boys don't understand the signals girls give out or the things we say and it just is easier to leave than try to reason with him. Odds are, if she rapidly bails without any possible warning, you probably messed up.

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  11. rabbit says:

    Yep, Antigone's right. "She didn't want to fuck you" is the #1 reason women decide not to fuck you. It might not even have anything to do with you – maybe she just realized she's supposed to pick her grandma up from the airport in 5 minutes and doesn't want to explain she was hooking up.

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