Last week, we brought you the 30 expensive things you could buy with the estimated $12B that could be lost during the NFL lockout. With football no longer on their schedule, players must seek alternative means to pass the time and, in many cases, make a buck. Before we were internet moguls… we were career consultants! That’s why we’d like to offer our services to the hundreds of pro football players who have grown tired twiddling their thumbs. As Tim Tebow or Kurt Warner can attest, idle hands are the devil’s tools. Here are our top suggestions for things NFL players can do during the lockout.
1) Star On Reality TV
Reality shows were created to inflate the ego of the everyman and to pump up the overinflated ego of celebrities. For many football players, their egos won’t allow them to stay out of the limelight. Most of them are probably thinking if Jimmy Johnson can handle Survivor then they can too. Just imagine…
Big Brother: NFL – Watch the house guests go nuts as no one tells them how great they are. Anarchy ensues when the contestants find out the prize is only a half million.
Survivor: Los Angeles – Survivor producer Mark Burnett brings this special NFL edition of the popular reality series to the wasteland of the NFL, where no team wants to go —L.A.
The Biggest Loser: Owners/Players – The show is canceled after one episode when everyone quits; both sides thought the title meant the other was giving into to the labor demands.
Albert Haynesworth: 300+ and Lovin’ It – The $100 million dollar man turns to VH1 to help him learn how to play in the 3-4 and find love.
2) Help Out Second-Rate Football Leagues
Don’t be surprised if suddenly the Canadian Football League, the AFL, UFL, and every other wanna-be professional football league become much, much more competitive. There will suddenly be a number of players in college that never take their helmets off on camera and always seem to be gone when the press comes around. But hey, did you see who was hanging around the locker room?!
3) Take a Stab At Other Sports
Jets linebacker Bart Scott already showed us he thinks he has a future in the WWE. Chad Ochocinco-Johnson said he wants to try soccer. These guys are athletes – REAL athletes – who most likely excelled in other sports when in high school or even in college. The summer Olympics are coming up in 2012, we could see guys like Chris Johnson or Darrius Heyward-Bey tearing up the track. Tony Gonzalez and Antonio Gates can get back to playing basketball. Tell me you haven’t thought about some freak D-lineman or D-end crushing the snot out of a baseball as a DH in the AL. Jay Cutler as a closer for the Cubs?
4) Finish College And/Or Get Real Jobs
These guys might actually use their degrees and get real jobs that pay an honest wage. Those that didn’t finish school will either have to take whatever low paying minimum wage gig they can get or re-enroll in school to finally get their degree. This time, though, no help from the nerds – they’re losing serious fantasy football money because your uneducated, greedy ass. They might even give you a check (*players’ ears perk up*), a reality check. Now if only we can figure out how to make the owners wise up…
5) Join The Police Force
So you might be thinking, “Being a cop isn’t a real profession?” Well, as much as no one wants to accept it, officers of the law reap benefits from being enforcers that the general population simply doesn’t. Cop seems like the obvious choice since A) players can still have the same level of separation from the rest of society and B) effectively channel their aggression and affinity for intimidation. Hey, if it worked for Shaq, it can work for the NFL. Can you imagine getting pulled over by Dwight Freeney or arrested by Clay Mathews? On that note, how cool would it be to watch COPS with Champ Bailey and Chris Johnson chasing criminals down? You’d think twice about double parking if James Harrison is the meter maid. It may be harder for these guys to go undercover, but, then again many of them already have seedy connections to the criminal world.
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