5 Sports That Should Go Pro
It’s a fact: not everybody enjoys watching a traditional sports game; some people don’t care to pass out from heatstroke in the bleachers at a baseball game nor do they enjoy seeing a bloody tooth floating in their beer rinkside at a hockey game. Truth is the more sports out there, the lesser the chance you’ll get bored and commit a felony. There are a ton of coed rec leagues that embrace the sports we knew and loved growing up. Why not go the Beerfest route and make some playground sports into bankable careers? Here’s our list of leagues that should go pro.
There is much debate over whether or not dodgeball should even be considered a sport at all: there’s zero strategy, you always have that one maniac kid that takes things too far and the only reason it was created was to sate the bloodlust of mentally unstable ex-marines who could only find employment as gym teachers. Let’s think about this, though: is this not the recipe for what the masses demand in a sporting event – unbridled violence that makes a war look like a slap fight? Yes… Yes it is.
Kickball has so much untapped potential and it isn’t at all difficult to turn it into a major sport; nearly any baseball field can easily become an impromptu kickball arena, thus turning a simple schoolyard game into a sport of epic scale. And unlike dodgeball, actual skill and strategy is required thus bringing everything full-circle. Not to mention, it combines the all-American appeal of baseball with the sole exciting aspect of soccer –
vuvuzelas the kicking of the ball.
One side, baseball! There’s a new all-American game in town! Lacrosse was first played by Native Americans well before the sport was adopted and modified by Europeans. Well, by “modified” I mean bastardized since teams from 100 to 1,000 were the norm among Native American players with games lasting into the night. People would pay big money to see lacrosse teams the size of battalions beating each other senseless just to catch a tiny rubber ball. I couldn’t imagine any better way to pay tribute to the Native American people, the founding fathers of sports badassery, by founding a professional lacrosse league.
Why should Harry Potter fans have all the fun with their “Quidditch” games? Schtick is a minimal-contact disc game that any fan of Tron should definitely get behind if they want to emulate playing on the Game Grid. The fact that there isn’t any form of tackling or the threat of face planting means that even the frailest of individuals can take part in this sport. Plus, what other sport makes you feel like Jeff Bridges circa 1982? Answer: zero!
Roller derby, like dodgeball, is a sport that oozes violence which the masses can’t seem to get enough of. There’s also that allure of watching a woman built like a brick shithouse making a feisty chick as thin as a rail taste swollen, sweaty elbow. The amount of onslaught that takes place is tantamount to a hockey match, so it’s baffling as to why a league for roller derby has yet to be founded. Who knows, roller derby might just lead to a revival of Starlight Express… to the EXTREME!
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