Over the years, Hollywood has raised the bar for deaths in movies. Before all it took was one gunshot or one stab and, BOOM, you’re dead. To avoid stagnation, deaths are starting to become more creative in movies. Whether its gory or wince-worthy, depressing or triumphant, a death can be very effective in provoking a reaction. However, sometimes that reaction is laughter and not always on purpose. That being said, here are a few deaths that, intentional or not, are ridiculous. WARNING: These clips are NOT for the faint of heart or weak of stomach.
Christopher Walken proves just how bad-ass he really is by defying air pressure, wind resistance and matter all in one scene. When a jet tries to force Walken and his crew of ragtag mercenaries onto land, Walken takes charge with his pistol. A pistol containing magic bullets that can somehow move through the hull of an airplane, pass through the air at the speed of light and kill a jet pilot as if he were hit at point-blank range. You think Chuck Norris is tough? Christopher Walken can kill you with one shot behind layers and layers of armor. I can only imagine the last thought running through that pilot’s head, besides the bullet, was how the hell did he do that. The answer? Walken Magic!
There is plenty of death to go around in this controversial teen action film from Japan. Students are gutted, shot, stabbed, dissected and blown up. All of it is played up very dramatically until the tension is cut with one of the final deaths. After having been forced to kill each other by one of their teachers, the few remaining students gun him down. The teacher only fights back with a water pistol which somehow convinces the students to keep firing at him. After being hit with enough ammo to kill Dolph Lundgren on PCP, the teacher rises in his last moments to answer the phone. And guess who it is? His bitchy family. He grows tired of them and shoots the phone (with a real gun), eats one last cookie and falls dead on the couch. What a way to go. Piss off your family and eat a cookie.
Death Race 2000
Roger Corman’s cult-classic from the 1970’s plays like Sam Peckinpah meets Wacky Racers. And there are plenty of comical deaths that play like a Saturday morning cartoon with gore. In one particular scene, a bunch of punks try to taunt the racers by standing in the middle of the road and dropping into a man hole. Only two of them close the hole before the other can drop down, causing one of them to get hit by a car. Then, in a moment of karma, the other two peek up to laugh at their dead friend when Frankenstein’s ride runs right over them. But unlike a cartoon where the characters would injure their fingers, their brains are scattered across the pavement. Sometimes reality can be just as comical as cartoons just WAY darker.
The Final Destination
Remember years ago when that little girl was killed by a pool drain sucking out her intestines? The makers of The Final Destination have taken that bizarre incident into the realm of over-the-top extreme deaths. A pool drain is some how pushed to JET ENGINE SPEED forcing an unlucky hunk to the bottom and sucking out all his innards. And just to top it all off, the pump explodes releasing a geyser of blood, chlorine and sloppy guts. To be honest, EVERY death scene in the Final Destination franchise could make this list, but we wanted to share the wealth. NOTE: If you click the previous link, how poor is the choice of music?
Ichi the Killer
If you’ve never seen Ichi the Killer, you’re missing out on one of the goriest, disgusting, most disturbing movies to come out of Japan. And Japan releases a LOT of disturbing crap. In one of the most heavily CGI-ed death scenes ever, a weeping Ichi defends a woman from being raped by a man by slicing him down middle. And I mean cut clean center so that he slowly splits apart, dumps his organs and falls into two halves like an apple. All this was done with a blade mounted on a shoe. An ice skate I could believe, but this was a razor blade. It must have been of the same material like that Hanso sword in Kill Bill.
Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky
You want a gory action film? Look no further than Story of Rikki-Oh. In one of the movie’s most ridiculous fight scenes, an opponent cuts out his own intestines to choke his victim to death. This happens just after his eye ball is knocked clean out of his socket. But, no, this idiot doesn’t die from blood loss. He is hurled into air and then, in mid-air, has his skull punched in. It is simultaneously the most manly and most idiotic battle of all-time with one hell of a death.
NOTE: Turn down volume before playing.
Snakes on a Plane
Snakes in any enclosed space are scary enough, but the worst place to encounter one has to be the bathroom. The two bathroom scenes in Snakes on a Plane are horrifying and laughable in the fact that the snakes attack the most vulnerable areas. A snake latches onto a dude’s junk while he’s taking a piss. A couple is copulating in the bathroom when a snake latches onto the lady’s tit. It makes you wince and laugh at the same time. But then again, if you’re watching a movie called Snakes on a Plane, you knew what you were getting yourself into.
Much like Snakes on a Plane, Piranha 3D has a gaggle of amusing and detailed deaths. The one that takes the cake, however, is Derrick’s death when the lower half of his body picked clean by piranhas. And with his dying breath he utters the words ‘wet t-shirt’. What a legendary way to die on Spring Break. That’s the kind of death drunk college students will be making up for years to come. The only thing more gross than his skinless legs are what the piranhas do to his penis.
While suffocating seems bad enough, it’s got to be even worse when your eyes and tongue are bugging out of your mouth like a Jim Henson creation from hell, which is what happens if you set foot on Mars without oxygen. My parents were quick to point out that this is what will happen if I go out in space without a suit, like they were telling me to look both ways before crossing the street. Parents just don’t understand, right, Will?
Ridiculous deaths are usually defined by how laughable the slaughter or inconceivable the death. Robocop is one of those movies where if you watch it for the first time you will say at some point ‘shouldn’t he be dead’. No moment is more true of this than Murphy’s death early in the movie when he is gunned down by a gang. He gets his hand blown off, his arm blown off, receives multiple shotgun wounds to the chest and is STILL standing. It isn’t until a bullet is delivered point-blank to his skull that he is killed. But you know what? They were STILL able to save his brain and make him Robocop. So it’s not technically a death, but in all honesty, you’d be killed eight times in the course of the beating Murphy is given. And I guess he was technically dead for a few hours.
Of all the objects in the world that could be used to kill someone, would you ever suspect a basketball? Apparently it works with the elderly when this grumpy granny gets a b-ball to the skull, shattering it like a melon. I know you are suppose to become frail with age, but, damn, that is one soft skull. The only thing more ridiculous than the lack of realism in her death is the agonizing aftermath where her headless body stumbles around for a few seconds. I swear for a minute it almost looks like two midgets were on top of one another acting as the corpse.
The Wicker Man
Nicolas Cage has never been a great actor so it should come as no surprise that he could make a death seem funny. The whole movie involves Cage running around a country being freaked out by an odd cult. He ends up being sacrificed to a god for honey by having his kneecaps broken and having a swarm of bees sting him to death. The entire scene involves him kicking and screaming like a lunatic. Way to go out like a bitch, Nick. Check out this video of him losing his sh*t.
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