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He Said / She Said: Returning “The Favor”

Photo by Neil Beckerman © Stone

He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help dudes understand what chicks are thinking. Every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…you can read the guy’s side here and the girl’s side at CollegeCandy.com. This week’s topic: oral / digital reciprocation aka returning the favor.

This week’s topic can absolutely debilitate a relationship. That is, if you’re looking to have a relationship in which you view your partner as an equal. If you’re into the whole submissive / domineer dynamic, then it probably won’t apply to you. Hell, there are a lot of ladies out there who dole out humjobs and don’t expect an ounce of oral or digital attention paid to their privates in return. Though most men would say they prefer that set-up, I am one of the few who enjoys taking a trip south of the border. Only problem is I might enjoy it TOO much. Before I know it, she’s either A) climaxed and fallen blissfully into a spoon-supported slumber or B) come so close to … well, coming… that she needs to get to the gutting ASAP.

Photo by John Slater © Photographer's Choice

Thing is, if I suspect we’re not moving fast enough or that I might lose her interest or that she’s not going anywhere below the belt line, I make the first move. It’s to let her know that this isn’t 7 minutes in heaven or spin the bottle. I’m here to perform the world’s hottest “handshake”. My methods have been scrutinized. A lot of men dry heave at the thought. But, my “cunning linguist” approach HAS to lead to something. And if it doesn’t, well, you got yourself a selfish lover. Dump her ass.

Photo by Elie Bernager © Photodisc

Now, if the tables are turned and a girl makes the first move, to quote Cameron Diaz in Vanilla Sky, “that means something”. To me, it means she likes you enough to do what most women loathe and society has effectively turned into a negative expression (i.e. “this sucks d*ck!”). Your reciprocation could very well depend on how well she performs. If she uses teeth or obtains whiplash from machine gunning your junk, you might want to cut it short and get straight to the beast with two backs. If she takes her time and shows her appreciation and makes you see God, then – after catching your breath and regaining consciousness – you’re probably dying to return the favor.

So, while returning the favor is more common in a serious relationship, it shouldn’t feel like an obligation. If it does, it will eat away at your soul. You should want to do it because you want her to feel how awesome you felt when she was doing her thing.

Check out what SHE SAID at CollegeCandy.com.

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He Said / She Said: Her Number Doesn’t Really Matter
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He Said / She Said: Are Thongs Really The Way To Go?
He Said / She Said: Sex On The First Date
How To Tell Your Friend His Girlfriend Sucks

  • Neal LynchCOED Writer
    I've written thousands of articles including posts for COED, GuySpeed, TheFW, TV Fanatic, G-MEN HQ, BroBible, and NFL Spin Zone. I've also authored scripts for Woven Digital's short-form videos published by UPROXX and BroBible. Here are links to my writing samples and social networks: My Personal Blog http://neallynch.com/ Twitter https://twitter.com/realcinch Facebook https://www.facebook.com/NealLynch Instagram https://instagram.com/realcinch/ YouTube https://www.youtube.com/user/realcinch NFL Spin Zone http://nflspinzone.com/author/neallynch/ BroBible http://brobible.com/author/neallynch/ GmenHQ http://gmenhq.com/author/neallynch/ GuySpeed http://guyspeed.com/author/neallynch/ TheFW http://thefw.com/author/neallynch/ COED http://coed.com/author/neallynch/