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He Said / She Said: Her Number Doesn’t Matter


He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help dudes understand what chicks are thinking. Every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…you can read the guy’s side here and the girl’s side at CollegeCandy.com. This week’s topic: Does her number of sex partners matter?

What’s in a number? As objective as we perceive numbers to be, they can be fudged, warped, and misconstrued. Take age, for instance. If you head back to college for a 5 year reunion, you’re old news. You might as well be 60. Yet, you become VP or CEO of a company and you’re a wunderkind (that’s German for “wonder child” not “whale’s vagina”). What about the number of sex partners? This one’s definitely trickier.

Photo by Jeffrey Coolidge © Riser

According to CalculatorLive.com, the average number of sex partners for an average male in the United States is 11 while the average number of sex partners for an average female in the US is closer to 7.

In 2007, results from a nationwide survey from the National Center for Health Statistics conducted from 1999-2002 indicated that 29 percent of American men report having 15 or more female sexual partners in a lifetime, while only 9 percent of women report having sex with 15 or more men. The median number of lifetime female sexual partners for men was seven; the median number of male partners for women was four.

While men have a propensity to exaggerate about their number to gain favor with other dudes, women usually lowball their number for fear they’ll be labeled a slut or a whore.

An ABC News “Primetime Live” survey in 2004 revealed on average men slept with 20 sex partners while women only slept with 6. Your head spinning yet?

Photo by Peter Cade © Iconica

Of course, a number of variables aren’t considered in these surverys (age, household income, education, etc.) that might give us a better understanding of sexuality throughout the country. One thing’s for sure, we’ve even been trained to expect when a man provides his number of sexual conquests it’s usually inflated by twice the amount while chicks will bring it down by 50-75%. No wonder we can’t trust each other. This is the classic case of he said / she said.

I’m here to say f*** it. Her number doesn’t matter… to a certain extent. Obviously, if she just broke the world record for dudes in one day or has threesomes each weekend or hooks up EVERY time she goes out that could pose a problem or 500, but I believe there’s a number out there that is considered REALLY HIGH when, if considered in rational terms, is actually NOT BAD by any means. I have a ton of friends who disagree with me on this one, but I’ve been around research enough to know that you can spin numbers in your favor and build a story about them.

So, what’s the number? Think about it this way. When a chick’s in college, she goes out a MINIMUM of 3 times a week. Multiply that by 4-5 weeks depending on the month and that’s 12-15 times a month. Multiply by 12 months and you have 144 – 180 times per year. Now, say she slept with a different guy each MONTH. Just 1 guy per month, maybe they dated for a couple weeks, maybe it was a one night stand. That’s 12 guys in 1 year. Twelve sexual partners out of 144 nights out (12/144) = she slept with a new guy 8.3% of her nights out; out of 180 nights out, it’s lowered to 6.67% of nights out. I don’t know about you but 7-8% of the time doesn’t sound very high.

Photo by Peter Cade © Iconica

But, that’s just one year. What if we started when she first became “legal” (in most states) at age 18. Twelve sex partners a year times 6 years (18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24) and you have 72 sexual partners. Absolutely unheard of, right? She must be a complete c*m dumpster! Let’s back it off a bit. Let’s say she’s had sex with a different guy each season – 1 for Fall, 1 for Winter, 1 for Spring, 1 for Summer. That number is still 24 sexual partners. WAY above the “average”.

So, you’re going to sit there with a straight face and tell me that the “average” female sleeps with maybe 6 different sexual partners over the course of her LIFETIME?! I was just talking about what I consider to be an average 24 year old woman and she’s already at 12-24 sex partners. Average lifespan for a woman in the U.S. is about 80. Average age of women when first get married is around 26. If they first become sexually active at 18 (haha), that’s 8 solid years of being single. You’re telling me she had sex with LESS than one guy per year?

Listen, I understand women aren’t as sexually driven as men. I’ve been told on numerous occasions women would rather NOT have sex than bang a dude and not get a follow up phone call from the guy. But, I gotta believe this odd hypocrisy stems from the chastising women, and some men, hand down to women that enjoy sex. I feel it’s the main reason why relationships suck. Women can’t just pump and dump because they’ll be castigated, so they try to force their way into a relationship to make it seem “normal” and not slutty.

Photo by Redchopsticks

Gimme a break. In my opinion, if you’re smart about it, use a condom, take birth control, get tested, then once a month, once every other month, hell once every SEASON should be okay. You’ll probably find the love of your life quicker that way instead of marrying that f***ing jackass who gives you an eating disorder.

Check out what SHE SAID at CollegeCandy.com.

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    Comments

    Comments

    1. […] to see what he said? Check out the male response at COEDmagazine.com Follow College Candy on Twitter Fan College Candy on […]

    2. Kelly says:

      So if your guy asks you how many, what do you say? If you don't tell him, obviously he'll think it's a high number (and he'd be more bothered by the fact that you're hiding it vs. knowing the actual number). I don't hide anything from my boyfriend, sorry. And buddy, I'm 24, lost my virginity at 16, have had many boyfriends/dates, and my number? THREE. Sorry, but not all of us are that easy.

      1. James - University of Texas says:

        I think the number is always 3 as in the 3 D's – Deny, deny, deny

      2. lara says:

        wow way to disregard everything he said. having a lot of sexual partners makes us girls "easy"? thanks a lot for that. i've only had 1 real relationship and 5 sexual partners. and i know im not "easy". i'm smart and on the pill, and i've never had to lower my standards for anyone. i have yet to regret a single one of those hook ups.
        but i agree about not hiding anything from your partner. if you're that close you should tell each other, and neither should judge the other based on a number.

      3. Steve-0 says:

        Sory, lara. You're easy.

        I mean, seriously. You're 5 times more likely to have sex with a guy than have a relationship with him? That is the definition of easy.

        Who said anything about smarts? I've often found that uneducated women were more religious & tougher to get into bed.

        Who said anything about the pill? Again, women who protect themselves from pregnancy are easier to get into bed.

        Who said anything about regret? Women who are most ashamed of their sexual past are least likely to be honest about it.

        Again, you're easy. Go ahead & call me judgmental. But I'm not the one using the word "should".

        And Neal is an awful writer. Note how he discards the obvious possibility that men are lying about their number of sexual conquests. Also note that he claims girls go out minimum of 3 times a week. He's basing this on…? Like everything else in this post, it's based on opinion.

      4. Steve=0 says:

        BTW-I grew up with 3 older sisters & a single mother.

        One sister married the same guy she dated since Jr. High at age 19. That was scandalously young, IMHO. She did not attend college. But it seems to have worked well.

        Another sister married at 29. It was a guy she dated in Jr. High. In between he dated 2 men, 1 in HS & 1 in college, before finding her way back to him. She lived at home while attending college & earned a MS.

        The last sister married at 33. She attended college & lived out-of-state, so I really shouldn't comment on her social life. But in high-school, she didn't date more than once a month. She didn't even date until Junior year of HS & stayed with 1 guy until she left for college.

        My mother didn' t even date until I left the nest at at 19.

        My opinion? It's perfectly normal for women to have fewer than 5 sexual partners. I don't see how my opinion is any less outrageous than Neal's.

        The irony is that Neal, despite his supposedly enlightened "non-judgemental" stance, is condemning the women in my family.

        I am condemning the more promiscuous women, yes. I am not worried about disease, children, alimony or even The Bible. I just know that promiscuous women are less likely to form strong bonds to their sexual partners. They are likely to continue these shallow attachments to men like Neal throughout their lives, even becoming more likely to end marriages in divorce.

        Hope you enjoy it, Neal.

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    4. Kiara says:

      As I said on the She Said portion, this is usually a question women ask, and the few men that do ask a women should be dropped ASAP. It shows a real lack of security for a guy to be worried about this. We all know men are easy, so for a women to be a little more easy than they pretend to be, seems reasonable to me. He said has this on point.

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