Jobs are important! They give you a sense of self-worth In this day-and-age, everyone is concerned with keeping their job, I would like to give tips on how to do the opposite. Yes, I’ve been part of the workforce, but unlike most of you, my goal was to get fired—faster than you can say ”401k.” See, there’s an art to getting fired; especially within 3 hours or fewer. So, here are a few job ground rules to get yourself off on a bad foot with a new employer:
1. Show up late for your first day of work. When questioned about this, refer to yourself in the 3rd person. Stress that work starts when YOU get there!
2. Talk in a fake foreign accent. There are many to choose from: Greek, German, Albanian, Polish, etc.. And it will annoy the ever-living sh*t out of everyone, if you do it right.
3. Refuse to do things. Lay the ground rules right away. A good response to being asked, is the phrase, “Why don’t you do it yourself, monkey-boy!”
4. Use the word ”motherf*cker” as an adjective. Self-explanatory.
5. Make up a nickname for the boss. For this, it’s best to refer to the boss as a food item like, “cupcake,” or “pudding pop.”