With the upcoming release of The Dilemma, we thought we should remind all of you wingmen out there on one of the most overlooked rules of the unwritten bro code – omitting information. There are plenty of times where you need to keep details to yourself (especially to avoid drama), but sometimes it is hard to distinguish when to share certain information and when to keep your mouth shut. Lucky for you, we outline what information that you, as a dude, are required to share with your friend.
IF HIS CHICK IS HOOKING UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE
Whether it be a girlfriend, wife, friend with benefits, or a girl you friend likes (even if you know he’ll never make the move) – you must tell your pal he is getting played for a fool. I know nobody likes to be the bearer of bad news and he might not even take your word for it, but the truth is going to come out sooner or later. Spare your friend the heartache and drama by telling him what you know, so he can get out before things get messy.
IF RUMORS OR GOSSIP COULD HURT HIS REP
I don’t care if it’s something as embarrassing as girls chatting about your friend’s nipple-sized erection. Nobody likes having others talk badly about them and if this happens to be the case with one of your friends, it is your duty to fill him on the slander (regardless of if it is true or not). You need to deliver this news gently and remind your friend that instead of overreacting, that he needs to step his game up to prove any negative rumors wrong. Once people get defensive about rumors, it’s almost impossible to find the source of the gossip. The more casual your friend reacts, the easier it should be to find the culprit sullying his good name.
IF IT’S WORK RELATED
If you happen to be working with a friend or happen to hear him bragging about how much of an ass clown he acts like at work, you need to be blunt and tell him to get his act together if he wants to keep getting paid. I know, I know – you are not his boss. BUT, you are his friend and if he winds up without a job, he will be leeching off of you.
IF HE’S A DRUNK ASS
He’ll never realize it, so tell your friend how wasted he really is. Sometimes actions speak louder than words: take his cell phone away to prevent any drunk texts/calls, save him from that hippo who is about to crush his hips into powder on the dance floor.
IF HE’S WHIPPED
A relationship is supposed to be a 50/50 kind of thing. If you see your friend is starting to give 65 or more, he is most likely whipped. Let him know that you feel like he’s been bending over backwards lately and see how he responds. If he is not defensive and is genuinely curious, slap him around and tell him how it is. If he gets defensive, then he is proving your point.
IF HE’S IN THE FRIEND ZONE
Man knows no destination worse than the friend zone. If you see your friend bound for this godforsaken trench, be sure to give him the heads up ASAP. This can be done most effectively by pointing out all of the negatives in the subject and in some cases, even making some up; tell him you heard her rip one and it smelled atrocious, anything to get him out of the friend zone. It will make you an unsung hero for years to come.
IF YOU SPOT A PORN CAMEO
Say what you want, but while sites like DareDorm, CFF, BangBros, and Brazzers are introducing new girls in their late teens and young twenties every day, the odds of your average college girl appearing in one of these videos gets greater and greater. True Story: When partying in Cabo for Spring Break, I witnessed the dudes from Naughty America pick up a college girl, get her wasted, had her sign some forms and they disappeared for a few hours. You figure it out. I assure you, this is a much more common scenario than you’d think.
IF SHE’S A KEEPER
Losing your best wingman is never easy, but if it’s for his own good – then you need to let it go. I hate to toot my own horn, but I used to hook my friends up with any girls that I was friends with and would also sing their praises to any of my overflow. On top of that, I would never turn down a night out and would also jump on a grenade or land mine if it meant a friend succeeding. Still, when I dated a girl that was a keeper – my friends would let me know. Look at me now! Dating a super model and I am the quarterback of the Patriots! (What? I’m not Tom Brady? Sh*t!) Just kidding. In all seriousness though, be a real friend and let your pal know when you think he has found a keeper. You never know, it could lead to you giving that best man speech you’ve been practicing for years (the one about the Wolf pack looking for strippers and cocaine).
…Now, go forth. Make us proud. Tell your bud about that female co-worker he hooked up with who’s secretly in porn and heard he wets the bed …
Liked this? Check out these:
How To Avoid The Friend Zone [RENATA’S RECOS]
7 Ways To Tell If Your Friend Is On Steroids
5 Ways to Tell If Your Friend Really Hooked Up
How To Tell Your Friend His Girlfriend Sucks
Top 10 Pranks To Torture Your Friends