As the radio plays tons of Christmas songs and jingles from past to present, you hear those rare gems that ruin the whole mood for you. When you get a pop singer who decides to take on “Silent Night” and ends up butchering it or an up-and-coming R&B crooner who thinks “Hark Hear the Bells” is his way to super stardom, you’ve got one crushed holiday spirit. The list of horrible Christmas songs could stretch from here to eternity so we’ve narrowed it down to the most cringeworthy. Uh, enjoy? I guess?
“I Never Knew the Meaning of Christmas” by ‘N SYNC (1998)
Sure, the album which this song appeared on sold 2 million copies and peaked at #7 on the Billboards, but I wouldn’t be caught dead playing this at a party. Not even if every Victoria’s Secret Angel, Sports Illustrated swimsuit model, and Playboy Playmate showed up and requested it in the nude. Sorry, boner, but mind over matter.
“Catching Snowflakes on Your Tongue” by Mannheim Steamroller (2007)
They have one of the best Christmas songs and the worst. Quite an honor.
“Christmas Wish” by Stacie Orrico (2001)
Her voice sounds similar to Britney Spears and her lyrics sound like they were written by her as well.
“Home” by Ne-Yo (2006)
This appeared on “Now That’s What I Call Christmas! 3”. Enough said.
“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa” by Jessica Simpson (2004)
Just listen how she says “Claus”. Even Saint Nick gets severely un-jolly hearing this cover.
“My Only Wish (This Year)” by Britney Spears (2000)
Spears laments her loneliness during the holidays and asks Santa Claus to bring her a lover. Can you say, “desperate”? Instead of coal, Santa gave her K-Fed. Since its release, the song has been included in more than eight Christmas music compilations, including Now That’s What I Call Christmas! (2001), Super Christmas Hits (2006) and Christmas Top 100 (2009).
“Santa Claus is Coming to Town” by B2K (2002)
As awesome as Run DMC’s “Christmas in Hollis” and Bruce Springsteen’s cover version were, this hip-hop rap version of the classic is just as un-awesome. Check your local bargain bin for this sucker-heavy single. B2k, you just got served!
“Please Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas)” by John Denver (1975)
W. T. F. That John Denver’s full of sh*t, man.
“Christmas Shoes” by Newsong (2001)
You know those commercials featuring Sarah McLachlan about animal cruelty? I’d rather watch that on repeat than listen to the first 10 seconds of this song once.
“It Feels Like Christmas” by Cyndi Lauper (1998)
It feels like breakfast is coming back up.
“Dear Mr. Jesus” by Sharon Batts (1985)
Who the hell coerced this 6 year old into doing this? The Benets? Seriously, is this chick doing porn now?
“Do They Know It’s Christmas” by Band Aid (1984)
Seeing this video today, you almost feel like you’re watching a SNL Digital Short. Bono, George Michael, Phil Collins, Boy George, Sting… on paper it sounds awesome. The song was created for a good cause (ending world hunger), but damn I’m trying to get my drink on. Everybody and their mother’s looking for a hand out, we can only give so much. Tell Obama to drop ship some sh*t.
“Jingle Bell Rock” By Billy Idol (2006)
Does Billy owe someone money? This has got to be a joke, right? Wow.
“Christmastime” by The Smashing Pumpkins (2005)
Much like Billy Idol’s “Jingle Bell Rock”, this holiday jingle comes completely out of left field. When I think Smashing Pumpkins, I don’t think Smashing Pumpkins. Total buzzkill.
“World Christmas” by R. Kelly (2004)
Ding dong. Probably a poor choice of words for R. Kelly. He rocked the sh*t on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last week, but this can be chalked up to needing lawyer money for peeing on an underage girl.
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