No matter how much you wish you could escape the awful local advertising in every city and small town in America, you can’t. Bad jingles, horrible rhymes, and off tune singing seem to be the recipe for horrible, low budget advertising on the boob tube. The culprits are usually car dealers, furniture stores, lawyers, and insurance companies who blind us with their hideous special effects and assault our ears with deafening roars or choppy dialogue. Yet, they still entertaining. We give you The Worst Local TV Commercials.
Most uncles are creepy. This one might be the creepiest. “Who’s your favorite uncle?” Not you, you pedophile. Wouldn’t surprise us if his favorite trick is make the sausage disappear.
Law Offices of J. Michael Gallagher “Take My Wife, Please”
Dear God. I’ve lost all faith in humanity. We thought AshleyMadison.com was bad. This trumps that. Intentionally ruining your soon to be former spouse’s HOLIDAYS? What the H did he do to you, lady? Just try a new position in the bedroom. Jeez. PS – His website is just as bad. Turn down your speakers if you click on the link in the header.
Here’s bonus commercial featuring “Gallagher’s Girls”, three “attractive” assistants who happen to be decked out in their finest prom dresses to speak on behalf of the company in their best Charlie’s Angels voices.
Really? I thought you guys sold CARDS! Yeah, I still don’t want one. Side note: Look how excited the 2 chicks are to work there. PANDEMONIUM!
This guy actually WANTS you to masturbate in his unsold cars. Wow. You can leave now and beat the traffic or you can stick around and beat your meat.
This dude belongs on Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job! Like yesterday. My eyes burn and I’m now deaf.
This dude couldn’t pony up and get the skating bulldog? Stop dancing you guys, you’re gonna lose the car eventually anyway.
Sleep Center Of Odessa, TX
I almost expected the van to roll into a giant CGI shark’s mouth.
What do you guys make? I’m sorry. What’s your specialty? Yeah, but like what can I get if I call you guys? Like, what can I order? What’s on your menu? QUESTIONS!!!!!
Flea Market Montgomery
So, you’re saying it’s like a mini-mall? Then why not call it a mini-mall? No one in the history of the universe likes fleas. Maybe if you had Flea from Red Hot Chili Peppers in your commercial, I’d consider a drop-in.
Eagle Insurance Company “Eagleman”
So… Eagleman… is an Eaglelady? Dude birds can’t lay eggs, correct? Is he/she/it a hermaphrodite? Somehow I think those chicks still wanted to bone him/her/it.
Credit MacDaddy is a mix between a pimp, Snoop Dog, and a horribly dressed sales man. Not only are his rhymes bad, but this commercial is too. I mean would you trust him to sell you a car? Uh, yeah dude me neither.
Ex- NFL player William “the refrigerator” Perry thought it was a great idea to show orphans, surfers, and grandmothers chowing down on his home made BBQ sauce. Unfortunately for him, the commercial was so badly produced that it seemed more like a Saturday Night Live skit than a commercial.
Although the sight of Marc Norton and the sound of his strange voice is awful on its own, he thought it’d be a good idea to make it even worse and an ad a clown to the mix to help sell furniture. Awful, yes, but this local commercial actually helped to launch a successful local cable show for Norton. Go figure.
Here’s a bonus commercial:
You think this is just your normal local furniture commercial until about 20 seconds in. By the end, you’ll not only be wishing for it to be over, but wondering why it was ever made.
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