Barney Stinson, from the hit show How I Met Your Mother, is one of the busiest characters on TV — at least in the bedroom. Known for his ability to “scam, con, hustle, hoodwink, gambit, flim flam, stratagem, and bamboozle” women into the bedroom, it’s safe to say that Neil Patrick Harris’ character goes to any means necessary to sleep with women. Thanks to the recently released book The Playbook, you too can learn how to “Suit up. Score Chicks. Be Awesome” just like Barney Stinson.
1. The One Week To Live: Without going to specifics of whatever disease/illness you are about to profess that you have, you simply display symptoms (such as coughing or wheezing) to the woman of your sexual desire until she asks you what’s wrong. Then instead of telling her the truth — that you want to get into her pants — you tell her “you’ve only got one week to live” before saying that your ultimate dream before dying is to “share the intimate company of a woman.” According to Barney, the success rate is 50%.
2. The Author: If you have your eye on a co-ed hottie and she’s in the library reading (or anywhere where reading a book is appropriate), go up to her and ask how she likes the book. Memorize the author’s name (as long as it’s not a woman writer) and then BAM! Hold out your hand and introduce yourself as the author. According to Barney, this will get you back to her place for “speed read.”
3. The I’m Joining The Marines: This play apparently draws in patriotic chicks or anyone that doesn’t want to send a solider off to war without a special night left in their mind. In order to fulfill this play, Barney recommends you buy “your target a drink” and then after you are in mid-conversation with her, tell her you’re joining the Marines tomorrow. What’s left to do after coming out as a newly enlisted Marine? According to Barney, there is only one thing: “Sleep with her.”
4. The Fireman: If you want to get your girl hot and bothered, tell her you’re a fireman. According to Barney, if you really want to carry this play out — get a Dalmatian! With a success rate of 25%, Barney claims that all you have to do is tell her you’re a fireman and it will be no time before you “stop, drop, and roll with her.” However, he does warn that if a fire does break out anywhere near your target, you’re going to have to step up to the plate.
5. The Anniversary of My Wife’s Death: So, you go sit alone in public with a single rose in hand. When you see a hot girl, tell her that you are mourning the anniversary of your late wives death. She’ll feel guilty, and according to Barney, you’ll be golden. If she has being a bride on the brain, she’ll think to herself “This guy was a catch … he was married” and give into your every desire, especially ify ou tell her that you can’t be alone that night. This play is allegedly 69% successful, and it helps if you have a way your wife passed on to tie into your story.
6. The Brian’s Friend: Everyone knows someone named Brian, right? According to Barney, all you need to do is see the girl you want and say to her “Hey, it’s great to see you again! I feel silly, I forgot your name.” When she insists she’s never met you before, simply say “I’m Brian’s friend.” It’s bound to work with its 90% success rate.
7. The Other Jonas: What girl isn’t obsessed with the Jonas Brothers these days? Dress up like a Jonas Brother, and then hit up your local bar and talk loudly about going on tour with your little brother’s around the world. When she asks you what tour you’ve been on, tell her you’re related to the Jonas Brothers. According to Barney, this works 70% of the time because she wants to get close to the fame.
8. The Missing Cat: This one will work on animal lovers, and what girl doesn’t love animals? Walk around your neighborhood or your local city streets and grab the next “Missing Cat” flier you see. Go to the local animal shelter, buy a cat that looks similar to the “missing cat” and then call the owner and deliver it to her. According to Barney, “83% of cat owners are female while 100% are lonely,” so this play with a success rate of 50% could help you get lucky.
9. The Billionaire: This play gives you something to work for. It has two easy steps. 1: “Accumulate a billion dollars.” And then 2. “Sleep with women.” Barney swears this will work with a 100% success rate and it attracts “any woman throughout space and time,” although it sucks to have to pay taxes.
10. The Hot Dude: This may be the easiest play out of The Playbook. All you need to do is “be really attractive” and then according to Barney, “have sex with chicks.” The end, and apparently it’s 100% successful — if you have a handsome face and a swimmer’s body.
Want to read more plays and learn all the ropes on scoring with women? Check out The Playbook: Suit Up. Score Chicks. Be Awesome. From the authors of The Bro Code and Barney Stinson with Matt Kuhn. It’s only $5.49 right now at Amazon!
Special thanks to Simon and Schuster for the review copy!