How to Pick Up Girls by Pretending to be a Pro Surfer
So pretending to be a minor league baseball player isn’t cutting it anymore and you’re searching for a new gimmick to pick up some girls while lying around on the beach. Posing as a professional surfer is not only easy, but incredibly effective, as nearly everyone’s impressed by someone’s ability to masterfully carve up the ocean. Grab your towel, sunglasses, and a board, because it’s time to go hunting for chicks… and waves to ride.
1. Get a tan – Obviously, a pro surfer is going to be spending nearly every day out in the sun, so you can’t even begin this act looking like some sort of ginger kid. Either hang out for a few weeks at the beach or go tanning, but whatever you do, don’t get a spray tan, because you’ll end up looking more like a carrot than a surfer.
2. Get a board – Convincing a group of bikini-clad girls of your new identity will be pretty tough without a halfway decent surfboard. This means an actual board too, no bodyboards, wakeboards, or other substitutions. Check out some garage sales or classifieds to avoid dropping $400 at a boutique surf shop.
3. Travel light – Don’t show up to the beach with a cooler, backpack, umbrella, and two chairs, as you’ll look more like a soccer mom than anything else. Sunglasses, a towel, and your board are about all you need.
4. Know what you’re talking about – Spend a little time learning the correct sponsors, locations, and fellow pro-surfer’s names so you can flaunt all of your worldly achievements. The best part about this is the majority of these guys aren’t on television all the time like sports players, so most people won’t have any clue one way or the other.
5. Don’t ever ride the board. No matter how much they might beg or plead, under no circumstances should you try to surf. Come up with an excuse, such as the waves are too small, the wind isn’t blowing in a favorable direction, the water’s too crowded, anything to keep you on dry land. Once the girls see you fumbling around out there like a child without their life vest, the jig is up. Besides, it’s always better to leave some things to the imagination anyway.
So now that you’re a professional surfer (or at least resemble one), relax, stay loose, and enjoy the ride. Don’t be afraid to embellish or tell ridiculous stories of partying in Mexico, Hawaii, or other hot surf destinations. Just avoid taking things too seriously, because you’ll look pretty stupid if the lifeguard has to swim out there and rescue you from that terrifying three foot swell.