8 Places to Creep (Besides the Internet)

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Before the technological era upped the creepiness-ante, in the days before Facebook could predict every person you ever made eye contact with or Chatroulette could link you with a myriad of pant-less strangers, there was good old fashioned being shady. So let’s get back to the days of shamelessly hitting on girls and doing it like a champ. Call me sentimental, call me old-fashioned, but if you’re looking for the next love of your life, a one-night stand or some good ol’ bad decision(s), try these places on for size.

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1. Your high school

You’ll probably see a bunch of acquaintances (and some people you don’t like) there who are on a similar college break/home for the weekend like you. You know how those younger girls were always tagging along with you and your guy friends back when you were on the team? Chances are they’ve matured a bit, are legal now, and are still ready and willing.

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2. Convenience stores after midnight

Everyone has to eat. Everyone likes a Slurpee (or peach ice-tea if you’re of the WaWa camp) when you bored and cruisin’.  And everybody likes a corndog when you’ve been drinking for hours. Right? That’s not just me, right?

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3. Bookstores

Because everyone wants a girl who’s smart right? All the aisles and quietness are prime lurking territory. As you reach for that new Chuck Klosterman book you never know whose dainty, fair hand you might graze also reaching for it. All kinds of people looking for all sorts of information are here; just plant yourselves in a chair or stool in your favorite section and wait. Plus, most Barnes and Nobles and Borders are essentially all-inclusive resorts — there are attached cafés to round out a first random encounter.

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4. The Metro/Subway

Big city transportation systems are a great cross-section of all types of people. Great for people watching. Plug in your headphones and relax on a bench. Bonus points for rush hours or weekend nights.

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5. Reunions

Because the ones that got away are the ones that still haunt your subconscious. Because the girl who didn’t give a crap about you ten years ago just may give you a second glance now that you’ve grown an extra foot and landed that summer internship. People get amazingly nostalgic at these kinds of things. Getting dolled up, putting on a tight dress and drinking some cocktails will do wonders to these girls’ self esteem. It’ll do wonder for yours too. Everybody is eager to please, eager to prove that they have grown up to be successful and attractive.

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6. Weddings

When you have an event where people are by nature inclined to have a low-emotional boiling point and then you add food and alcohol, you are guaranteed to have an interesting time. The whole thing about people being extra relationship-minded at weddings is true, so go ahead and ask for a dance with that hot girl across the room. Her “always a bridesmaid” adage may swing in your favor. Be careful if her family or snotty girlfriends are with her.

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7. Wakes

See Wedding. Substitute loneliness for sympathy and couples with family members.

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8. Liquor Store

Everybody in college knows that Thursday evening is really when the weekend starts. Take this fact into consideration and park yourselves near an alcohol establishment around sundown. Besides,  you also need to re-stock for the weekend. So bring an extra ten bucks and show off your superior taste in drinks. Plus, you can then figure out what kind of girl she’ll be depending on her beer choices. Is she the PBR hipster type, or the Dogfish Head cool chick?

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